Nine Months Later

Nine Months Later
Enjoy!


Leroy and Bubba who were buddies, decided to go fishing. So they loaded up Leroy's minivan and headed east of the mountains, were the lakes were plentiful and the fish were almost jumping in the boat. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible sand storm, blizzard like. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

I realize it's a terrible sand blizzard out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed. She explained. I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.

Don't worry Leroy said, we'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light. The lady agreed, and the men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of fishing. But about nine months later, Leroy got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the fishing weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bubba and asked, Bubba, do you remember that good looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our fishing trip east of the mountains about 9 months ago?

Yes, I do, said Bubba.

Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?

Well, um, yes,' Bubba said, a little embarrassed about being found out, I have to admit that I did, but she explained that she was so lonely and needed male companionship, because it had been a long time. We had a good time!

And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?

Yeah I did, I'm sorry, but why do you ask?

** Now drop down for the conclusion of the matter**


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She just died and left me everything.

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you? Admit it; you know you smiled...now keep that smile for the rest of the day!)

11 Great Rules - NOT by Bill Gates

This email has been going around for years. This Urban Legends site says it was actually written by Charles J. Sykes.

Whoever wrote it, you can have a look and see if you agree or disagree with what is said. For a version with 3 extra rules, see this.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

~ Bill Gates ~

This should be posted in every school or kid's bedroom.

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this!

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about eleven (11) things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.


Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: They called it opportunity.

Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer.

*This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF.

*Do that on your own time.

Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.




If you can read this... Thank a Teacher.

If you can read this in English... Thank a Soldier!

And for life and everything else you have... Thank God!!


Now.... think about this and smile if you agree and please pass this on...
If you don't agree, go stick your head in the sand and take a deep breath!

My Blackberry Is Not Working!

Ahhh - British humor

YouTubeStars!

Looking for cool YouTube videos? Visit YouTubeStars and discover talented musicians, funny skitmakers, interesting vloggers and more! Please check out YouTubeStars - A guide to the most popular and most entertaining YouTube members and their videos. Online for over 4 years!

Uploaded to YouTube by the BBC.

More about this programme: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00wyj62

Ronnie Corbett and Harry Enfield star in this fruity sketch from The One Ronnie, written by Dawson Bros.

If you're in the USA, you might not get the part at 0:31 about trying it "on Orange" - Orange is a telecom company, read more here.

Court Reporters, FUNNY!!!

IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
(My Favorite)
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
(Another favorite)
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral..
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________


And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.