The Porch - Very FUNNY Blonde Joke

We're not trying to make fun of Blondes or any other group on this site, just trying to make you smile, maybe chuckle, maybe LOL Laugh Out Loud, maybe groan. Check out this joke I got in my email today, and share it if you like it. Here's another Very FUNNY joke!

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THE PORCH

A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."

A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.



"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

God Loves Drunk People Too!

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.

The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.

"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! God loves drunk people too."

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here - on the swing set," replied the drunk. 

Husband Down Isle 5

Husband is Down in Isle 5 - FUNNY!  See why his wife knocked him out!  READ ON!




A husband and wife are shopping in their local supermarket The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.

 "What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans" he replies.

 "Put them back, we can't afford them" demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.

A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife.

Her husband retorts: "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."

He never knew what hit him.

The Delivery

The delivery

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's Father.

He asked if they were interested.
Both said they were very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced Before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch.

The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing.

At this point they decided to try for 50%.

The husband continued to feel quite well.

Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.

The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain and the husband had experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home they found the mailman dead on the porch.

Chuckle

This is a quick and funny joke for you all, that I just got in my email inbox yesterday. Enjoy! If you like it, or any other email posted on this site, please share it with your friends on Twitter, FaceBook, Tumblr, etc. Thanks!

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One winter morning at breakfast a couple was listening to the radio.

They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8-10 inches of snow

today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so

the snowplow can get through." The wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio

announcer said, "We are expecting 10-12 inches of snow today, you will

need to move your car to the odd-numbered side of the street so the

snowplow can get through." So the wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week, while they were eating breakfast, the radio

announcer said, "We are expecting 12-14 inches of snow today and you must

park..." Then the power went off! The wife was very upset. With a worried

look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of

the street am I supposed to park on?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to

blondes exhibit, her husband said,

"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."

Funny Lawyer Joke

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
About, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you
Been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her Husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'