Why Teachers Drink - FUNNY!

Why teachers drink....

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed. Q. Name the four seasons  A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink  A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. How is dew formed  A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire Q. What causes the tides in the oceans  A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on  A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections  A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope) Q.. What happens to your body as you age  A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty  A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true) Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes  A. Premature death Q. What is artificial insemination  A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow Q. How can you delay milk turning sour  A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant) Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)  A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (wtf!) Q. What is the fibula?  A. A small lie Q. What does 'varicose' mean?  A. Nearby Q. What is the most common form of birth control   A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work) Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'  A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome Q. What is a seizure?  A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit) Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable) Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?  A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

High School Exit Exam

This will drive you nuts!

High School Exit Exam.....!!!

(Passing requires 4 correct answers)

GOOD LUCK !!!


1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?


Remember, you need 4 correct answers to pass.


Check your answers below ....







ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years.

2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador.

3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses.

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November.

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur.

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs.

7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert.

8) What color is a purple finch ? Crimson.

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand.

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)


What do you mean, you failed? Me, too.


(And if you try to tell me you passed, you LIED!)


Pass this on to some brilliant friends, so they may feel useless too.

Keep the gray matter active

Keep the gray matter active

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

8. What was the President's Name in 1975?

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in n ow?

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?








Here are the Answers

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

Answer: Johnny, of course.

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

Answer: Meat.

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [You're not very good at this, are you?]

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

Answer: Incorrectly

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.

8. What was the President's Name in 1975?

Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama [Oh, come on ....]

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big stack.

You can go back to sleep now ....