With Age Comes Wisdom

A guy is 75 years old and loves to fish. His name is Bill.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say,  'Pick me up.'

He looked around and couldn't see anyone.

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.'

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you.' Pick me up, then kiss me;  and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.  I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous, because I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully and placed it in his shirt pocket.

The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?' I said, 'Kiss me, and I will be your beautiful bride.'

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, 'Nah. At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog.'


With age comes wisdom.

I'm older than dirt!

. . . THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY THIS . . .
'Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained. !
'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never wore Levis , never set foot on a golf course, never traveled out of the country or had a credit card.

In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears & Roebuck.
Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow)

We didn't have a television in our house until I was 19.
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a..m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.

I was 21 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.'
When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.

I never had a telephone in my room.
The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers -- my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get up at 6AM every morning.
On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers. His favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told him to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend :

My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.

How many do you remember?
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.


Older Than Dirt Quiz :

Count all the ones that you remember,
not the ones you were told about.
Ratings at the bottom.

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2.Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
6 . Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines on the telephone
8 Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11.. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels... [if you were fortunate] )
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S& H greenstamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You' re older than dirt!

I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.
Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really O L D friends.

Growing Up Without a Cell Phone

Growing Up Without a Cell Phone Hysterical,but true.

If you are 40 or older, you might think this is
hilarious if not you may not understand any of it!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with
their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When
they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five
miles to school every morning....Uphill...
Barefoot...BOTH ways...yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,
there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of
crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and
how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I
can't help but look around and notice the youth of
today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my
childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say
it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've
got it!

1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet.
If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the
damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card
catalog!!

2) There was no email!! We had to actually write
somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk
all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox,
and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were
10 cents!

3) Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents
beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my
friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was
safe!

4) There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you
wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the
record store and shoplift it yourself!

5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the
radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning
and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had
tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and
"eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come
undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we
rolled, Baby! Dig?

6) We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you
were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a
busy signal, that's it!

7) There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you
left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or
receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with
your "friends". OH MY **GOSH**!!! Think of the
horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And
then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids
have no idea how annoying you are.

8) And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the
phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be
your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your
drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't
know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances,
mister!

9) We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video
games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the
Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and
'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You
actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were
no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen..
Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept
getting harder and harder and faster and faster until
you died! Just like LIFE!

10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to
find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to
channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk
over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!!
Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

11) There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only
get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm
saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you
spoiled little rat-bastards!

12) And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat
something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play...
all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and
comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing
chores!

And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw your ass in the
back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got
the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if
she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the
dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot
gun" in the first place!

See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids
today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You
guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in
1970 or any time before!

Regards,
The Over 40 Crowd
(Send this to someone you'd like to make smile)

Old Dog

One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?'

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the panther, 'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says... 'Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!


Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

If you don't send this to five 'old' friends right away, there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.