Sunday, March 30, 2008

Dreaming of Snakes

Last night I had a dream. I was walking alone in a field when I saw a tree in the distance. The tree had a lot of branches and the branches had a lot of big green leaves on them. The tree was very full and its width was almost the same as its height.

As I got closer, I began to hear a song. It was a simple melody repeated over and over. As I got even closer, I noticed that there was a small snake sticking out from among the branches and leaves. The snake's head, and the first few feet of its body, were swaying back and forth in time with the music. It almost seemed like the music was coming from the snake. Although the snake was extending from the tree in my direction, I was not afraid of it. I sat down near the tree and listened to the song, which I found to be very pleasing and captivating.

Soon, I noticed that there was another snake in the tree. It was a much larger snake. This snake was to the left of the small snake and a little higher up. At first I just saw its head. Then the large snake began to move its head and part of its body along with the music and in time with the small snake. I saw that the large snake was extending much further from the tree than the small snake and I became afraid of it. I got up on my hands and feet, still facing the tree, and began to move away. The snake then lunged at me so I got up and ran away. The snake caught up to me and attacked me. I died.



The Song

I made a recording of the snake song, as I remember it from my dream. It's in SnakesDreamSong.mp3. It's just over a minute long. The volume starts at zero and it gradually gets louder. This represents the way I heard it as I approached. The end fades away, and represents the time when I ran away from the snake.


Background

I had watched a show on the History Channel before I went to sleep. It was "Sex in the Bible" and the topic of snakes was discussed more than once. I had also played EverQuest that night. If you get within a certain distance of a low level creature, it may not attack. But if you get near a higher level creature, it will.


Possible Interpretations

1. Sometimes you repent for the small sins in your life and don't realize the big sins you continue to commit until it's too late.

2. Snakes travel together. So if you take up with one, thinking they're not too bad, realize that they may have friends that are much worse. Snakes could represent people, or risky behavior like drugs, sex or gambling.

3. You might be managing to deal with the small snakes in your life while the big snakes go unnoticed or ignored. The snakes could be relationships, finances, or health matters.


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Saturday, March 29, 2008

WHAT IS A COLONOSCOPY??

Colonoscopies

THE LAST ONE IS THE BEST ONE!!

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
Colonoscopies are no joke , but these comments during the exam were quite humorous.....

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all..
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'

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Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Mural (in a smokers' lounge)

The single best thing you can do to improve your health is to quit somking! If you smoke, please read our article titled How To Stop Smoking to learn about your options for breaking this most unhealthy habit!

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A CEILING MURAL IN A SMOKER'S LOUNGE.


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Sunday, March 16, 2008

Dr. Feelgood

Here's a funny email about Health. The points seem to make sense, but of course they are not right! Read our Health articles for real advice on Health topics!

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Questions for Doctor Feelgood.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND......
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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