Thursday, October 31, 2013

They Cut My Britches Off - FUNNY Video

This is too good!

They Cut My Britches Off! - Hilarious

In case you do not know him - Mark is a Baptist minister with a funny sense of humor, and a member of Bill Gaither’s team.

Here, Mark tells about having a motorcycle wreck (while not wearing a helmet) and what happened to him afterward.  Acceptable for all ages.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

The Porch - Very FUNNY Blonde Joke

We're not trying to make fun of Blondes or any other group on this site, just trying to make you smile, maybe chuckle, maybe LOL Laugh Out Loud, maybe groan. Check out this joke I got in my email today, and share it if you like it. Here's another Very FUNNY joke!



A young blonde girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and brushes and everything she would need were in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded.

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes."

A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already??" the startled husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.

"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus."

Quote of the Decade - Obama on Debt

Many emails we receive are filled with misinformation and half truths. However, this one is true. President Obama was a Senator before he improved his pay grade. He said then in a speech, that raising the debt limit indicates leadership failure. He voiced disapproval of the additional 3.5 Trillion Dollars added to the debt in the previous 5 years, from 2001 to 2006, saying that this money was borrowed from government programs, foreign countries and taxpayers.

As it turned out, Senator Obama became President Obama and the debt went from about 10 Trillion Dollars to about 17 Trillion Dollars at the present in 2013. That's a 7 Trillion increase, which is twice the amount Obama made his speech about. Below, you can see the email going around about Obama and the National Debt, titled Quote of the Decade.

After you read the email, check out the entire speech at Snopes. The email excises the first and last paragraphs of the entire speech, which you should read; it will just take 5 minutes. Also at Snopes is Obama's explanation of his change of position on the debt. The National Debt is a complex issue and you can learn more about it by starting with this article on Wikipedia.


Words can comeback to haunt us.

The Quote of the Decade:

"The fact that we are here today to debate raising America's debt limit is a sign of leadership failure. It is a sign that the US Government cannot pay its own bills. It is a sign that we now depend on ongoing financial assistance from foreign countries to finance our Government's reckless fiscal policies. Increasing America's debt weakens us domestically and internationally. Leadership means that, 'the buck stops here.' Instead, Washington is shifting the burden of bad choices today onto the backs of our children and grandchildren. America has a debt problem and a failure of leadership. Americans deserve better."

~ Senator Barack H. Obama, March 2006

Dang, crow must taste good.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Short Quick Funny Jokes

Here are some quick short jokes for you to send to your friends.  Use the Share Button at the bottom of the post.  ONE of these made me laugh so hard I almost fell off my chair!  Can you guess which one???

At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled... "Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."
The bartender was almost crushed to death.
Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman’s husband.
Poor Lance Armstrong
I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, while on drugs.
When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my frig’n bike.
Drive By
A guy broke into my apartment last week.
He didn’t take my TV, just the remote.
Now he drives by and changes the channels.
Sick Bastard!!
The Agony of Aging
On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend.
He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish.
I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back".
So True
Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you only dress yourself.
The Moral of the story:
In life, no one helps you once you've been screwed.

Pregnant Prostitute
Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "Do you know who the father is?" "For goodness sakes, if you ate a can of beans would you know which one made you fart?"
Bubba calls EASYJET to book a flight.
The operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?"
Bubba replies "Hell I don't know! It's your frig'n plane. "

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Facts You May Not Know

FACTS YOU MAY NOT KNOW....................
It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears
out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!
Gold is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the
ground for thousands of years .
Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one
end .
If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human
body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.
Each year 2,000,000 smokers either quit smoking or die of
Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals
Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.
The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost
every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.
Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent
Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke
unless it's heated above 450F
The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not
the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the
Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean
The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the
hand of man
Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air
The University of Alaska spans four time zones
The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.
In ancient Greece , tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal
of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted.
Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song
Happy Birthday.
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
A comet's tail always points away from the sun
The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the
disease it was intended to prevent
Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that
is why it is found in some medicines.
The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when
knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.
If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you
can see stars, even in the middle of the day.
When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost
is Sight .
In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed ..
Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside ..
Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per
hundred grams .
The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year
The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust
Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than
15,000 meters
Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy
Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they
could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge
Everything weighs one percent less at the equator
For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel
are needed at lift-off
The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.
And last but not least:
This is called 'money bags'. So send this on to 5 and money will arrive
in 5 days. Based on Chinese Feng Shui, the one who does not pass this on
will have money troubles for the rest of the year
Superstitious or not, I passed this along because it is interesting

New Christmas Stamp - Not Really

Here's an email I got a few days ago.  It's about a new Muslim Christmas stamp.  Sounds strange, right? Well here is the email, and then I'll comment.


They don’t believe in Christ but get their own Christmas stamp. What is happening to us?


Kaleidoscope Flowers StampsDon't buy this stamp! It is pretty, but keep reading! Will be available November 1, 2013

President Obama has directed the United States Postal Service to remember and honor the EID Muslim holiday season with a new commemorative 46 Cent First Class Holiday Postage Stamp.

The new stamp is the second MUSLIM stamp, and celebrates a Muslim holiday!

If there is only ONE thing you Forward today, let it be this
REMEMBER to adamantly BOYCOTT this stamp when you purchase stamps anywhere. All you have to say is, "No thank you, I do not want a Muslim stamp on my letters!"

Buy our US flag stamp instead, please!

Pass this along to every Patriotic American you know and get the word out!
Honor the United States of America


Yes, it's fine to honor the USA.  We have freedom of choice here, so put whatever stamp you like on your cards and letters.  But don't believe what this email says about this particular stamp!

It is a Kaleidoscope Flowers Stamp and you can read all about it on this United States Postal Service web page: It has nothing to do with any religion.

Snopes says that there is an EID stamp, which celebrates the Muslim holiday of EID and not Christmas, but you have to ask for it since it is generally a specialty item.  Read the snopes article on this email, here:

Bottom Line - Don't believe everything you get in emails or read on the internet.  Research for yourself and make up your own mind on all issues, large and small.