Friday, April 29, 2016

Old Cowboy, Heaven and Hell

An old cowboy was riding his trusty horse followed by his faithful dog along an unfamiliar road.
The man was enjoying the new scenery, when he suddenly remembered dying, and realized that the dog beside him had been dead for years, as had his horse.
Confused, he wondered what was happening, and where the trail was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall that looked like fine marble.
At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch topped by a golden letter "H" that glowed in the sunlight.

Standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like gold.

He rode toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
Parched and tired out by his journey, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"

"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.

"Of course, sir. Come right in and I'll have some ice water brought right up."

As the gate began to open, the cowboy asked, “May I bring my partners too?"

"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

The cowboy thought for a moment, then turned back to the road and continued riding, his dog trotting by his side.

After another long ride, at the top of another hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a ranch gate that looked as if it had never been closed.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside leaning against a tree and reading a book.

"Excuse me," he called to the man, “Do you have any water?"

"Sure, there's a pump right over there; help yourself."

"How about my friends here?” the traveler asked, gesturing to the dog and his horse.

"Of course! They look thirsty, too," said the man.

The trio went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with buckets beside it.
The traveler filled a cup and the buckets with wonderfully cool water and took a long drink, as did his horse and dog.
When they were full, he walked back to the man who was still standing by the tree.
"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

"This is Heaven," he answered.

"That's confusing,” the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."

"Oh, you mean the place with the glitzy, gold street and fake pearly gates?
That's hell."

"Doesn't it make you angry when they use your name like that?"

"Not at all. Actually, we're happy they screen out the folks who would leave their friends behind."

Sometimes, we wonder why friends forward things to us without writing a word.
Maybe this explains it:

When you're busy, but still want to keep in touch, you can forward e-mails.
When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep in contact, you can forward jokes. When you have something to say, but don't know exactly how, you can forward stuff.
A 'forward' lets you know that you're still remembered, still important, still cared about.

So the next time you get a ‘forward,' don't think of it as just another joke.
Realize that you've been thought of today and that your friend on the other end just wanted to send you a smile.

PS: You're welcome at my watering hole anytime.

Monday, July 14, 2014

SEX at 73

I just took a
leaflet out of my mailbox,
informing me that I can
have sex at 73.
I'm so happy, because I live at
number 71.
So it's not too far to walk home
it's the same side of the street.
I don't even have
to cross the road!
Answering machine
"I am not available right now,
thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making
some changes in my life.
Please leave a message
after the beep.
If I do not return your
you are one of the
My wife and I had
words, but I didn't get to use
Frustration is trying to
find your glasses without your
Blessed are those who can
give without remembering
and take without
irony of life is that,
by the time you're old
enough to know your way around,
you're not going
God made man before
woman so as to give him time
to think of an answer
for her first question.
I was
always taught to respect my elders,
but it keeps
getting harder to find one.
morning is the dawn of a new
The quote of the month is
by Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out
of control,
mud slides, flooding, severe
tearing up the country from one end
to another,
and with the threat of bird flu and
terrorist attacks,
are we sure this is a good time
to take
God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
Aspire to inspire before
you expire.
those that prefer to think that
God is not watching
over us....
go ahead and delete this.
For the rest of us...
pass this on!

Monday, April 7, 2014

The Resurrection, Too Good Not To Pass On!

Here is a quick funny joke that I recently found in my Email Inbox. It may offend some because it plays on a very important religious precept. If you know that you become offended at this kind of humor, please check out another post here, or visit another site. Thanks!


While the priest was presenting a children's sermon,
He asked the children if they knew what the Resurrection was.

Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous. In response to the question, a little boy raised his hand.

The priest called on him and the boy said,

"I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor."

It took ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue.