a Bad Halloween Story

A man is walking home alone late one foggy Halloween night, when behind him he hears:


BUMP...



BUMP...



BUMP...




Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.



BUMP...




BUMP...




BUMP...




Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.




FASTER...



FASTER...




BUMP...




BUMP...




BUMP.....



He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him. However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping.


clappity-BUMP...



clappity-BUMP...


clappity-BUMP...


on his heels, as the terrified man runs.



Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, he locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.



With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.








Bumping and clapping toward him.





The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...


and,

















The coffin stops.

Heaven Or Hell

HEAVEN AND HELL

While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven...

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell...

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil smiles at him and says,

"Yesterday we were campaigning, Today, you voted.."

Vote wisely on November 2, 2010

Look at this one!! (Dancing Dog)

"This makes the show Dancing With the Stars look like amateurs."

This is the dancing dog video you have seen clips of on the Television. Watch the whole thing; the dog is totally cute and amazingly talented!

Title: Dancing Merengue Dog

Description:
Dancing Dog Doing The Merengue. Smartest dog ever!

Please note that this dog is from Chile, her name is Carrie, and the owner's name is Jose Fuentes.

I want to try and get Carrie and Jose on Dancing With The Stars. I think we should all email ABC to see if they will take them. Send them a note at either their FaceBook page or the ABC website!

Full disclaimer, I have no affiliation with Jose or Carrie. I just think it would be great to see them on DWTS. :)

YouTubeStars!

Looking for cool YouTube videos? Visit YouTubeStars and discover talented musicians, funny skitmakers, interesting vloggers and more! Please check out YouTubeStars - A guide to the most popular and most entertaining YouTube members and their videos. Online for over 4 years!

Simon's Cat

What you're about to see, is what my cat does to me.

A hungry cat resorts to increasingly desperate measures to gain its owner's attention.

YouTubeStars!

Looking for cool YouTube videos? Visit YouTubeStars and discover talented musicians, funny skitmakers, interesting vloggers and more! Please check out YouTubeStars - A guide to the most popular and most entertaining YouTube members and their videos. Online for over 4 years!

Hollywood Squares

These great questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..


Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde : Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde : If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
A. Charley Weaver : Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel : Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts : That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A.. Rose Marie : No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver : My sense of decency...

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price : No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A.. George Gobel : I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie : You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde : Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver : Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie : Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde : Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie : Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen : Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde : Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde : Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver : It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde : Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel : Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde : Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver : I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver : His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde : Point and laugh

The Lord's Ballgame

Here is a religious email that has been circulating. After the cute Baseball analogy, it proffers:

The Lord explained, 'If your love, faith and wisdom had won the game, you would think you had done it by yourself. Love, Faith and Wisdom will get you on base but only My Grace can get you Home:

'For by Grace are you saved, it is a gift of God; not of works, lest any man should boast.' Ephesians 2:8-9

Psalm 84:11, 'For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.'

This seems to play both sides of the long existing debate between predestination and free will. This point is a major difference between Protestant denominations. Calvanists and others believe in predestination and support their belief with verses such as Romans 9 and the Ephesians verse in this email. Most other denominations believe in free will and offer verses such as the famous John 3:16 as proof.

Predestination says God decided before anyone was born who will be saved and go to heaven, and who will be damned and go to hell. Free will states that we have the choice to choose to believe in Jesus (faith) and go to heaven, or not.

What does this email say? First it says you won't get to heaven by faith, only by God's grace. Then it says that if you walk upright, which takes work, God will not withhold any good thing from you, and surely heaven is the greatest good thing!

Which is it? Can we get to heaven by walking upright (living a good life) or can we only get there if God has already decided that He is going to bestow grace on us regardless of how much love, wisdom or faith we have?



The email concludes with:

'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'
Phil 4:13

"ALL" things?

He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”
—Matthew 17:20


Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.
—Matthew 18:18-19

And Jesus answered them, “Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen.
—Matthew 21:21

Anyone seen mountains move around lately? Anyone prayed earnestly with a group and discovered your request left undone?

Read more in this article:
Should we take the Bible literally?

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

THE LORD'S BASEBALL GAME

Freddy and the Lord stood by to observe a baseball game. The Lord's team was playing Satan's team.

The Lord's team was at bat, the score was tied zero to zero, and it was the bottom of the 9th inning with two outs. They continued to watch as a batter stepped up to the plate named 'Love.'

Love swung at the first pitch and hit a single, because 'Love never fails.'

The next batter was named Faith, who also got a single because Faith works with Love.

The next batter up was named Godly Wisdom. Satan wound up and threw the first pitch.

Godly Wisdom looked it over and let it pass: Ball one. Three more pitches and Godly Wisdom walked because he never swings at what Satan throws.

The bases were now loaded. The Lord then turned to Freddy and told him He was now going to bring in His starplayer. Up to the plate stepped Grace. Freddy said, 'He sure doesn't look like much!'

Satan's whole team relaxed when they saw Grace.

Thinking he had won the game, Satan wound up and fired his first pitch. To the shock of everyone, Grace hit the ball harder than anyone had ever seen! But Satan was not worried; his center fielder let very few get by.

He went up for the ball, but it went right through his glove, hit him on the head and sent him crashing on the ground; the roaring crowds went wild as the ball
continued over the fence . . for a home run!

The Lord's team won!

The Lord then asked Freddy if he knew why Love, Faith and Godly Wisdom could get on base but couldn't win the game. Freddy answered that he didn't know why.

The Lord explained, 'If your love, faith and wisdom had won the game, you would think you had done it by yourself. Love, Faith and Wisdom will get you on base but only My Grace can get you Home:

'For by Grace are you saved, it is a gift of God; not of works, lest any man should boast.' Ephesians 2:8-9

Psalm 84:11, 'For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.'

I do Love God. He is my source of existence and Savior. He keeps me functioning each and everyday. Without Him, I am nothing, but with him:

'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'
Phil 4:13

SIGNS

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

**************************

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

**************************

At a Proctologist's door:

"To expedite your visit, please back in."

**************************

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."

**************************

On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

**************************

On a Church's Bill board:

"7 days without God makes one weak."

**************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :

"Invite us to your next blowout."

**************************

At a Towing company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

**************************

On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

**************************

In a Nonsmoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

**************************

On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push."

**************************

At an Optometrist's Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:

"We really know our stuff."

**************************

On a Fence:

"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

**************************

At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

**************************

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

**************************

At the Electric Company

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don't, you will be."

************** ************

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in and get fed up."

**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

**************************

At a Propane Filling Station:

"Thank heaven for little grills."

**************************

And don't forget the sign at a

CHICAGO RADIATOR SHOP:

"Best place in town to take a leak."

**********************

Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:
"Caution - This Truck is full of Political Promises"

If you think our country is not in trouble, think again...

Here's an email that's going around lately. It seems to be a mix of fact and fiction. Research, then decide for yourself!

Obama didn't declared that the USA was no longer a Christian nation - he said that the USA was no longer JUST a Christian nation.

Obama didn't cancel the National Day of Prayer Ceremony - he recognized the National Day of Prayer with a paper proclamation instead of a public event at the White House.

There was a Muslin rally in D.C. bit it wasn't a replacement for the National Day of Prayer.

http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/05/06/obamas-decision-observe-national-day-prayer-privately-draws-public-criticism/

http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/religion/a/islam_on_capitol_hill.htm

http://www.snopes.com/politics/obama/prayerday.asp

-+-+ -+-+ -+-+ -+-+ -+-+ -+-+ -+-+ -+-+ -+-+ -+-+ -+-+ -+-+-

In
1952
President Truman
Established one day a year as a "National Day of Prayer."
-----------------------------------------------------------------

In
1988 President Reagan
designated the First Thursday in May of each year as
the National Day of Prayer.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

In June
2007 (then)
Presidential Candidate Barack Obama
declared that the USA Was no longer a Christian nation.

---------------------------------------------------------------

This year President Obama
canceled the 21st annual National Day
of Prayer ceremony
at the White House under the ruse Of "not wanting to offend anyone"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

On September 25, 2009
from 4 am until 7 pm,
a National Day of Prayer
for the Muslim religion was Held on Capitol Hill, Beside the White House.
There were over 50,000 Muslims that Day in D.C.
HE PRAYS WITH THE MUSLIMS!

I guess it Doesn't matter
if "Christians" Are offended by this event - We obviously Don't count as
"anyone" Anymore. The direction this country is headed should strike fear in the heart of every Christian, especially knowing that the Muslim religion believes that if Christians cannot be converted, they should be annihilated. This is not a Rumor?
Go to the website To confirm this info:
http://www.islamoncapitolhill.com/

Pay particular attention to the very bottom of the page: "OUR TIME HAS COME" I hope that this information will stir your spirit.
The words of 2 Chronicles 7:14 "If my people, Who are called by my Name, Will humble themselves And pray, And seek my face, and Turn from their Wicked ways, Then will I hear from Heaven And will forgive their Sin and will heal Their land." We must pray for Our nation, our communities, Our families, and especially our children. They are the ones who are going to suffer the most.. If we don't PRAY May God have Mercy.
IN GOD WE TRUST. Please pass this on.

Maybe someone, somehow can figure out a way to put America
back on the map as it was when we were growing up,
a safe place to live, and by The Ten Commandments and Pledge of Allegiance.
For Obama to continue as our president
is an INSULT TO OUR FOUNDING FATHERS
AND DISGUSTING TO EVERY RED-BLOODED AMERICAN.

Sack Lunch

This is too good not to pass along.


Subject: Sack Lunch


I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat. It was going to be a long flight. "I'm glad I have a good book to read. Perhaps I will get a short nap," I thought.

Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me. I decided to start a conversation.

"Where are you headed?" I asked the soldier seated nearest to me.

"Petawawa. We'll be there for two weeks for special training, and then we're being deployed to Afghanistan .."

After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hours before we reached the east, and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time...

As I reached for my wallet, I overheard a soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch. 'No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn't be worth five bucks.. I'll wait till we get to base.'

His friend agreed.

I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch so I walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar bill. "Take a lunch to all those soldiers." She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with tears; she thanked me.

"My son was a soldier in Iraq ; it's almost like you are doing it for him.."

Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated. She stopped at my seat and asked, "Which do you like best - beef or chicken?"

"Chicken," I replied, wondering why she asked. She turned and went to the front of plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class.

"This is yours, thanks."

After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room. A man stopped me. "I saw what you did. I want to be part of it. Here, take this." He handed me twenty-five dollars.

Soon after I returned to my seat. I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked. I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane. When he got to my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand and said, "I want to shake your hand." Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain's hand. With a booming voice he said, "I was a soldier and I was a military pilot. Once, someone bought me a lunch. It was an act of kindness I never forgot." I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers.

Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine. He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm.

When we landed I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me, put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars!

Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base.

I walked over to them and handed them seventy-five dollars. "It will take you some time to reach the base.. It will be about time for a sandwich. God Bless You."

Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers.

As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for their safe return. These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I could only give them a couple of meals. It seemed so little...

A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.

May God give you the strength and courage to pass this along to everyone on your email buddy list....

Prayer chain for our Military... Don't break it!



Please send this on after a short prayer. Prayer for our soldiers

Don't break it!


Prayer:

"Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen."


Prayer Request: When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our troops around the world.


There is nothing attached. Just send this to people in your address book Do not let it stop with you. Of all the gifts you could give a Marine, Soldier, Sailor, Airman, & others deployed in harm's way, prayer is the very best one.


GOD BLESS YOU FOR PASSING IT ON!

A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR YOU!

A little Angel for you......



You have just been sent a Financial Abundance angel!

Pass her to two people, and be rich in four days. Pass her to six then be rich in two days.
You ARE already rich!!!
I am not joking; you will find an un-expected windfall.

If you delete her, you will never know how she works.....
She really does work like magic!
NO Pass Backs. Pay HER forward *** Pass it on..

Don't just rely on Angels or luck! If you have financial needs, do some research! Begin with our Money articles at LookingForClues.

The Gorilla and the redneck

A small zoo in Alabama obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a redneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, like most rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00 ?

Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under five conditions:

'First', Bobby Lee said, 'I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips.' The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.

'Second', he said, 'She must wear a 'Dale Earnhardt Forever' T-Shirt.' The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

'Third', he said, 'you can't never tell no one about this.' The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.

'Fourth', Bobby Lee said, 'I want all the children raised Southern Baptist.' Once again it was agreed.

'And last,' Bobby Lee said, 'I'll need another week to come up with the $500.

Funny - By 6 year olds...

These are great:

A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!

1. Don't change horses...
until they stop running.

2. Strike while the...
bug is close.

3. It's always darkest before...
Daylight Saving Time.

4. Never underestimate the power of...
termites.

5. You can lead a horse to water but...
How?

6. Don't bite the hand that...
looks dirty.

7. No news is...
impossible

8. A miss is as good as a...
Mr.

9. You can't teach an old dog new...
Math

10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll...
stink in the morning.

11. Love all, trust...
Me.

12. The pen is mightier than the...
pigs.

13. An idle mind is...
the best way to relax.

14. Where there's smoke there's...
pollution.

15. Happy the bride who...
gets all the presents.

16. A penny saved is...
not much.

17. Two's company, three's...
the Musketeers.

18. Don't put off till tomorrow what...
you put on to go to bed.

19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and...
You have to blow your nose.

20. There are none so blind as...
Stevie Wonder.

21. Children should be seen and not...
spanked or grounded.

22. If at first you don't succeed...
get new batteries.

23. You get out of something only what you...
See in the picture on the box.

24. When the blind lead the blind...
get out of the way.

25. A bird in the hand...
is going to poop on you.


And the WINNER and last one!

26. Better late than...
Pregnant

Annoying Orange: Pain-apple

The Annoying Orange series of videos are among the most popular on YouTube right now. Check out the latest one:

YouTubeStars!

Looking for cool YouTube videos? Visit YouTubeStars and discover talented musicians, funny skitmakers, interesting vloggers and more! Please check out YouTubeStars - A guide to the most popular and most entertaining YouTube members and their videos. Online for over 4 years!

Old Dog

One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?'

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the panther, 'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says... 'Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!


Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

If you don't send this to five 'old' friends right away, there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.

Cocoa Shell Mulch - Dangerous to PETS!

I know you all are smart pet owners and probably already know this, but if you don’t, please DO NOT use cocoa shell mulch….

Share this with all the pet owners you know and ask them to do the same - the information you take a few minutes to share might prevent the senseless loss of other pets.

Please tell every dog or cat owner you know. Even if you don't have a pet, please pass this to those who do.

Over the weekend, the doting owner of two young lab mixes purchased Cocoa Mulch from Target to use in their garden. The dogs loved the way it smelled and it was advertised to keep cats away from their garden. Their dog (Calypso) decided the mulch smelled good enough to eat and devoured a large helping. She vomited a few times which was typical when she eats something new but wasn't acting lethargic in any way. The next day, Mom woke up and took Calypso out for her morning walk . Half way through the walk, she had a seizure and died instantly.

Although the mulch had NO warnings printed on the label, upon further investigation on the company's web site,

this product is HIGHLY toxic to dogs and cats.

Cocoa Mulch is manufactured by Hershey's, and they claim that "It is true that studies have shown that 50% of the dogs that eat Cocoa Mulch can suffer physical harm to a variety of degrees (depending on each individual dog). However, 98% of all dogs won't eat it."
*Snopes site gives the following information: http://www.snopes.com/critters/crusader/cocoamulch.asp *

Cocoa Mulch, which is sold by Home Depot, Foreman's Garden Supply and other Garden supply stores contains a lethal ingredient called 'Theobromine'. It is lethal to dogs and cats. It smells like chocolate and it really attracts dogs. They will ingest this stuff and die. Several deaths already occurred in the last 2-3 weeks.

Theobromine is in all chocolate, especially dark or baker's chocolate which is toxic to dogs. Cocoa bean shells contain potentially toxic quantities of theobromine, a xanthine compound similar in effects to caffeine and theophylline. A dog that ingested a lethal quantity of garden mulch made from cacao bean shells developed severe convulsions and died 17 hours later. Analysis of the stomach contents and the ingested cacao bean shells revealed the presence of lethal amounts of theobromine.

**PLEASE PASS THIS ON**

Why Europen Newspapers are More Fun to Read

Hippo Eats Dwarf, WHAT??? LoL, Poor Dwarf! Sad, but I'm sorry, this made me Laugh!

Pink Dolphin

A PINK DOLPHIN..AWESOME! WHAT A TREAT!



Think pink ... you're not seeing the world through rose-colored glasses: This albino dolphin is pink.

Unique ... the bottlenose - first spotted in Lake Calcasieu, an inland saltwater estuary in Louisiana, by boat captain Erik Rue, 42, in 2007 - has surfaced again.

Attraction ... tourists are flocking to the lake in hopes of seeing the rare mammal.

Rare sight ... "Pinky" is believed to be the only pink dolphin in the world, and has
"reddish" eyes. It is usually spotted with its dark grey mother.

One of a kind ... there are only 14 other known albino dolphins in the world, all of them white.

Healthy glow ... "The dolphin appears to be healthy and normal other than its coloration, which is quite beautiful and stunningly pink," said Mr Rue, who estimates he has spotted Pinky more than 40 times.

FROM 4 - 8 YEAR OLDS

What Love means to a 4-8 year old . .

Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it.

Touching words from the mouth of babes.


A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds,

'What does love mean?'

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined

See what you think:




'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

Rebecca- age 8



'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'

Billy - age 4



'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'

Karl - age 5



'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'

Chrissy - age 6



'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'

Terri - age 4



'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'

Danny - age 7



'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.
They look gross when they kiss'

Emily - age 8



'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents
and listen.'

Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)



'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'

Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)



'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday..'

Noelle - age 7



'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'

Tommy - age 6



'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'

Cindy - age 8



'My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'

Clare - age 6



'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'

Elaine-age 5



'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'

Chris - age 7



'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'

Mary Ann - age 4



'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'

Lauren - age 4



'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)

Karen - age 7



'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'

Mark - age 6



'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'

Jessica - age 8


And the final one

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

The Best Job For Me...

01. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate. 02. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe. 03. After that, I tried being a Tailor, but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job. 04. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting. 05. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme. 6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it... I couldn't cut the mustard. 07. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy. 08. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but didn't have any patience. 09. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. Tried hard but just didn't fit in. 10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered I couldn't live on my net income. 11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining. 12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job. 13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it. 14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but had to quit because it was the same old grind. 15. So I tried Retirement and found I'm perfect for the job -- and LOVING it!!!

Homework

A first grade girl handed in the drawing below for her homework assignment.



After it was graded and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:


Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be perfectly clear on my child's homework illustration.
It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint surrounded by male customers with money.

I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This drawing is of me selling a shovel.

Sincerely,
(Mrs.) Harrington

Cats

Wish my in baskets at work were filled with these guys, would certainly make work more fun.
Kate

THESE REMEDIES REALLY WORK!!

This funny email came in all caps, sorry! If you want some good advice on all different topics, visit LookingForClues.com and read some of our Informative and Entertaining articles!

Note: The "Daily Thought" at the end is rude and mean; don't even think of doing it!

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THESE REALLY WORK!!

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

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When Your Hut's On Fire

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.

Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, 'God! How could you do this to me?'

Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! 'How did you know I was here?' asked the weary man of his rescuers. 'We saw your smoke signal,' they replied.

The Moral of This Story: It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering.

Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.

P.S. You may want to consider passing this on, because you never know who feels as if their hut is on fire today...

Drawing Heaven~ This is amazing!

Happy Valentine's Day, 2010!

This email arrived a few weeks back. It is a great email for Valentine's Day. It is all about a young girl who says she is able to paint what Heaven looks like. The girl's name is Akiane Kramarik and you can read all about her at her website:
http://www.artakiane.com/home.html

This is from her latest blog entry:

I had the honor of meeting hundreds of scholars from all over the world. The cumulative years of all their studies would mount up to some twenty five thousand years.

The odd fact is that they still disagree about the origin and the future of humanity, they still debate and debunk each other’s speculations, they still accuse each other of insufficient or inaccurate findings, they still insult each other with belittling and prideful commentaries and conclusions.

I choose not to be involved in such debates and arguments, especially if they are profit or control orientated. So much of scholarly work is done based only on prejudice and self-interests.

Conclusions and firm convictions hurt us if they are based on control—breading untold tragedies. Read More...

Now, here is the email as I received it.

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Do you believe God uses the talents of people to tell His story?

This is amazing!

This CNN clip is awesome and well worth the 3 minutes it take to view it.
The images of God painted by a 12 year old child. She started painting at age 4.
Her Mother is an atheist so God was never discussed in their home.
She gives God the credit for her talent as she has never had an art lesson.
This 3 minute clip from CNN is phenomenal.

There is the video from YouTube:

YouTubeStars!

Looking for cool YouTube videos? Visit YouTubeStars and discover talented musicians, funny skitmakers, interesting vloggers and more! Please check out YouTubeStars - A guide to the most popular and most entertaining YouTube members and their videos. Online for almost 4 years!