How Asparagus got it's name - A Kid's Bible Essay - Funny!

A sixth grade child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.

Here is what he wrote;

The Children's Bible in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,

"The Lord thy God is one," but I think He must be a lot older than that.

Anyway, God said, "Give me a light!" and someone did.

Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.

Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden ... Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.

God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor's stuff.

Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.

There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New Testament. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, "Close the door! Were you born in a barn?" It would be nice to say, ''As a matter of fact, I was.'')

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.

Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.

(Nothing bad will happen if you don't forward this, but if you do forward this delightful story you'll make someone LAUGH today, and they'll keep spreading the laughter by sending it on!!)

Grandma still drives!

Clueless Grandma still drives!  FUNNY!  
 

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.
She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a
'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from
a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer
meeting..

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the
light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't
honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of
God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those
loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger
stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window
and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that
they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on
through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection
before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave
them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord
for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

Favor - A SMALL REQUEST... Cure Cancer

Cancer is a strange cell.
You can go along for years in remission
and then one day it pops its head up again.
If you ever have it you will never be free of it.
Pray for the day there will be a permanent cure.

A small request.....Just one line


Dear God,
I pray that You will guide someone to find a cure for cancer.
In Jesus Name, Amen




All you are asked to do is keep this circulating.
Even if it's only to one more person.
In memory of anyone you know who has been
struck down by cancer or is still living with it.
A Candle Loses Nothing by Lighting Another Candle.

Please Keep This Candle Going

The Lord's Ballgame

Here is a religious email that has been circulating. After the cute Baseball analogy, it proffers:

The Lord explained, 'If your love, faith and wisdom had won the game, you would think you had done it by yourself. Love, Faith and Wisdom will get you on base but only My Grace can get you Home:

'For by Grace are you saved, it is a gift of God; not of works, lest any man should boast.' Ephesians 2:8-9

Psalm 84:11, 'For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.'

This seems to play both sides of the long existing debate between predestination and free will. This point is a major difference between Protestant denominations. Calvanists and others believe in predestination and support their belief with verses such as Romans 9 and the Ephesians verse in this email. Most other denominations believe in free will and offer verses such as the famous John 3:16 as proof.

Predestination says God decided before anyone was born who will be saved and go to heaven, and who will be damned and go to hell. Free will states that we have the choice to choose to believe in Jesus (faith) and go to heaven, or not.

What does this email say? First it says you won't get to heaven by faith, only by God's grace. Then it says that if you walk upright, which takes work, God will not withhold any good thing from you, and surely heaven is the greatest good thing!

Which is it? Can we get to heaven by walking upright (living a good life) or can we only get there if God has already decided that He is going to bestow grace on us regardless of how much love, wisdom or faith we have?



The email concludes with:

'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'
Phil 4:13

"ALL" things?

He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”
—Matthew 17:20


Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven.
—Matthew 18:18-19

And Jesus answered them, “Truly, I say to you, if you have faith and do not doubt, you will not only do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, ‘Be taken up and thrown into the sea,’ it will happen.
—Matthew 21:21

Anyone seen mountains move around lately? Anyone prayed earnestly with a group and discovered your request left undone?

Read more in this article:
Should we take the Bible literally?

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THE LORD'S BASEBALL GAME

Freddy and the Lord stood by to observe a baseball game. The Lord's team was playing Satan's team.

The Lord's team was at bat, the score was tied zero to zero, and it was the bottom of the 9th inning with two outs. They continued to watch as a batter stepped up to the plate named 'Love.'

Love swung at the first pitch and hit a single, because 'Love never fails.'

The next batter was named Faith, who also got a single because Faith works with Love.

The next batter up was named Godly Wisdom. Satan wound up and threw the first pitch.

Godly Wisdom looked it over and let it pass: Ball one. Three more pitches and Godly Wisdom walked because he never swings at what Satan throws.

The bases were now loaded. The Lord then turned to Freddy and told him He was now going to bring in His starplayer. Up to the plate stepped Grace. Freddy said, 'He sure doesn't look like much!'

Satan's whole team relaxed when they saw Grace.

Thinking he had won the game, Satan wound up and fired his first pitch. To the shock of everyone, Grace hit the ball harder than anyone had ever seen! But Satan was not worried; his center fielder let very few get by.

He went up for the ball, but it went right through his glove, hit him on the head and sent him crashing on the ground; the roaring crowds went wild as the ball
continued over the fence . . for a home run!

The Lord's team won!

The Lord then asked Freddy if he knew why Love, Faith and Godly Wisdom could get on base but couldn't win the game. Freddy answered that he didn't know why.

The Lord explained, 'If your love, faith and wisdom had won the game, you would think you had done it by yourself. Love, Faith and Wisdom will get you on base but only My Grace can get you Home:

'For by Grace are you saved, it is a gift of God; not of works, lest any man should boast.' Ephesians 2:8-9

Psalm 84:11, 'For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord will give grace and glory; no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.'

I do Love God. He is my source of existence and Savior. He keeps me functioning each and everyday. Without Him, I am nothing, but with him:

'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'
Phil 4:13

Sack Lunch

This is too good not to pass along.


Subject: Sack Lunch


I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat. It was going to be a long flight. "I'm glad I have a good book to read. Perhaps I will get a short nap," I thought.

Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me. I decided to start a conversation.

"Where are you headed?" I asked the soldier seated nearest to me.

"Petawawa. We'll be there for two weeks for special training, and then we're being deployed to Afghanistan .."

After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hours before we reached the east, and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time...

As I reached for my wallet, I overheard a soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch. 'No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn't be worth five bucks.. I'll wait till we get to base.'

His friend agreed.

I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch so I walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar bill. "Take a lunch to all those soldiers." She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with tears; she thanked me.

"My son was a soldier in Iraq ; it's almost like you are doing it for him.."

Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated. She stopped at my seat and asked, "Which do you like best - beef or chicken?"

"Chicken," I replied, wondering why she asked. She turned and went to the front of plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class.

"This is yours, thanks."

After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room. A man stopped me. "I saw what you did. I want to be part of it. Here, take this." He handed me twenty-five dollars.

Soon after I returned to my seat. I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked. I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane. When he got to my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand and said, "I want to shake your hand." Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain's hand. With a booming voice he said, "I was a soldier and I was a military pilot. Once, someone bought me a lunch. It was an act of kindness I never forgot." I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers.

Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine. He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm.

When we landed I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me, put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars!

Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base.

I walked over to them and handed them seventy-five dollars. "It will take you some time to reach the base.. It will be about time for a sandwich. God Bless You."

Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers.

As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for their safe return. These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I could only give them a couple of meals. It seemed so little...

A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.

May God give you the strength and courage to pass this along to everyone on your email buddy list....

Prayer chain for our Military... Don't break it!



Please send this on after a short prayer. Prayer for our soldiers

Don't break it!


Prayer:

"Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen."


Prayer Request: When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our troops around the world.


There is nothing attached. Just send this to people in your address book Do not let it stop with you. Of all the gifts you could give a Marine, Soldier, Sailor, Airman, & others deployed in harm's way, prayer is the very best one.


GOD BLESS YOU FOR PASSING IT ON!

When Your Hut's On Fire

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.

Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, 'God! How could you do this to me?'

Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! 'How did you know I was here?' asked the weary man of his rescuers. 'We saw your smoke signal,' they replied.

The Moral of This Story: It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering.

Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.

P.S. You may want to consider passing this on, because you never know who feels as if their hut is on fire today...

Drawing Heaven~ This is amazing!

Happy Valentine's Day, 2010!

This email arrived a few weeks back. It is a great email for Valentine's Day. It is all about a young girl who says she is able to paint what Heaven looks like. The girl's name is Akiane Kramarik and you can read all about her at her website:
http://www.artakiane.com/home.html

This is from her latest blog entry:

I had the honor of meeting hundreds of scholars from all over the world. The cumulative years of all their studies would mount up to some twenty five thousand years.

The odd fact is that they still disagree about the origin and the future of humanity, they still debate and debunk each other’s speculations, they still accuse each other of insufficient or inaccurate findings, they still insult each other with belittling and prideful commentaries and conclusions.

I choose not to be involved in such debates and arguments, especially if they are profit or control orientated. So much of scholarly work is done based only on prejudice and self-interests.

Conclusions and firm convictions hurt us if they are based on control—breading untold tragedies. Read More...

Now, here is the email as I received it.

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Do you believe God uses the talents of people to tell His story?

This is amazing!

This CNN clip is awesome and well worth the 3 minutes it take to view it.
The images of God painted by a 12 year old child. She started painting at age 4.
Her Mother is an atheist so God was never discussed in their home.
She gives God the credit for her talent as she has never had an art lesson.
This 3 minute clip from CNN is phenomenal.

There is the video from YouTube:

YouTubeStars!

Looking for cool YouTube videos? Visit YouTubeStars and discover talented musicians, funny skitmakers, interesting vloggers and more! Please check out YouTubeStars - A guide to the most popular and most entertaining YouTube members and their videos. Online for almost 4 years!

Five Finger Prayer

This is so neat. I had never heard this before. This is beautiful - and it is surely worth making the 5 finger prayer a part of our lives.


1. Your thumb is nearest you. So begin your prayers by praying for those closest to you. They are the easiest to remember. To pray for our loved ones is, as C. S. Lewis once said, a 'sweet duty.'

2. The next finger is the pointing finger. Pray for those who teach, instruct and heal. This includes teachers, doctors, and ministers. They need support and wisdom in pointing others in the right direction. Keep them in your prayers.

3. The next finger is the tallest finger. It reminds us of our leaders. Pray for the president, leaders in business and industry, and administrators. These people shape our nation and guide public opinion. They need God's guidance.

4. The fourth finger is our ring finger. Surprising to many is the fact that this is our weakest finger, as any piano teacher will testify. It should remind us to pray for those who are weak, in trouble or in pain. They need your prayers day and night. You cannot pray too much for them.

5. And lastly comes our little finger - the smallest finger of all which is where we should place ourselves in relation to God and others. As the Bible says, 'The least shall be the greatest among you.' Your pinkie should remind you to pray for yourself. By the time you have prayed for the other four groups, your own needs will be put into proper perspective and you will be able to pray for yourself more effectively.

If you decide to send this to a friend, you might brighten someone's day! Pass this on to someone special... I did.

You Bet I'll Send It On!

Here's a patriotic email, appropriate for the upcoming 4th of July holiday. Remember, "Freedom isn't free, somebody paid!"

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I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, AND TO THE REPUBLIC FOR WHICH IT STANDS, ONE NATION UNDER GOD, INDIVISIBLE, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL!

I was asked to send on if I agree or delete if I don't. It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having 'In God We Trust' on our money and having 'God' in the Pledge of Allegiance. I believe it's time we stand up for what we believe!

PLEASE KEEP THIS GOING, EVEN IF YOU HAVE PASSED IT ON BEFORE!!
If you agree, pass this on, if not delete.

7 Percent

A Holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said.
"Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like."

The Lord led the Holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors
and the Holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large
round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which
smelled delicious and made the Holy man's mouth water.

The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They
appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long
handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to
reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.

But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not
get the spoons back into their mouths. The Holy man shuddered at the
sight of their misery and suffering.

The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the
same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large
pot of stew which made the Holy man's mouth water. The people were
equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were
well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.

The Holy man said, "I don't understand."

"It is simple," said the Lord. "It requires but one skill. You see
they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only
of themselves."

When Jesus died on the cross, He was thinking of you. Its estimated 93%
won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will, forward this
with the title "7%"

I'm in the 7% ~ Remember that I will always share my spoon with you.

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Please read our articles on Religion at LookingForClues. Thanks!

Good Clean Joke....

Here is a Christian/Computer related joke I recently received in my email. If you are looking for some serious religious reading, please browse our Religious Articles at LookingForClues.com; thanks!


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A little Christian humor

( This is one of the best clean jokes I've seen in awhile!)

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on
the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired
of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have
had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and
from those results, I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports.
They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell. Then,
ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the
sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off. Satan
stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the
underworld. Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their
computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
"It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past
two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate.
"Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated!
How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"
God just shrugged and said,


"JESUS SAVES"

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Please read our articles on Religion at LookingForClues. Thanks!

GOD and Science

Here's an email that covers many elements of a good story - good versus evil, weak versus powerful, arrogance versus simple truth, and religion versus science. The story related in the email is a modification of one that has been circulating for years. Read more about emails like this on Snopes.com.

Here's the email, with my comments in GREEN.

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God vs. Science

A science professor begins his school year with a lecture to the
students, "Let me explain the problem science has with religion." The
atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks
one of his new students to stand.

"You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"

"Yes sir," the student says.

"So you believe in God?"

"Absolutely."

"Is God good?"

"Sure! God's good."

"Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"

"Yes."

"Are you good or evil?"

"The Bible says I'm evil."

The professor grins knowingly. "Aha! The Bible!" He considers for a
moment. "Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over
here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would
you try?"

"Yes sir, I would."

"So you're good...!"

"I wouldn't say that."

"But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you
could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't."

The student does not answer, so the professor continues. "He doesn't,
does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though
he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you
answer that one?"

The student remains silent.

"No, you can't, can you?" the professor says. He takes a sip of water
from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax.
"Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"

"Er...yes," the student says.

"Is Satan good?"

The student doesn't hesitate on this one. "No."

"Then where does Satan come from?"

The student falters. "From God"

"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil
in this world?"

"Yes, sir."

"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?"

"Yes."

"So who created evil?" The professor continued, "If God created
everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according
to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil."

Again, the student has no answer. "Is there sickness? Immorality?
Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this
world?"

The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."

"So who created them?"

The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his
question. "Who created them?" There is still no answer. Suddenly the
lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is
mesmerized.

The professor is basing his remarks on a concept known as the problem of evil. Essentially, it states that if God is all good, all knowing, and all powerful, then there should be no evil in the world. If God is all good, He must hate evil and desire it to be gone. If God is all knowing, He knows of every evil. If God is all powerful, He can eliminate evil. Since evil exists, God can not be all three things - all good, all knowing, and all powerful. This is just one of many arguments for and against the existance of God. Click this link for Books on the problem of evil. Click this link for Books on the existence of God.




"Tell me," he continues onto another student. "Do you
believe in Jesus Christ, son?"

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, professor, I do."

The old man stops pacing. "Science says you have five senses you use
to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen
Jesus?"

"No sir. I've never seen Him."

"Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"

"No, sir, I have not."

"Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your
Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or
God for that matter?"

"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."

"Yet you still believe in him?"

"Yes."

"According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable
protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to
that, son?"

"Nothing," the student replies. "I only have my faith."

"Yes, faith," the professor repeats. "And that is the problem science
has with God. There is no evidence, only faith."

The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of
His own. "Professor, is there such thing as heat?"

"Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."

"And is there such a thing as cold?"

"Yes, son, there's cold too."

"No sir, there isn't."

The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The
room suddenly becomes very quiet. The student begins to explain. "You
can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat,
unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't
have anything called 'cold'. We can hit up to 458 degrees below zero,
which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no
such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the
lowest -458 degrees."

"Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or
transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or
transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat.
You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of
heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units
because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just
the absence of it."

Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom,
sounding like a hammer.

"What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?"

"Yes," the professor replies without hesitation. "What is night if it
isn't darkness?"

"You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the
abs ence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright
light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have
nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use
to define the word."

"In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make
darkness darker, wouldn't you?"

The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This
will be a good semester. "So what point are you making, young man?"

"Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to
start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed."

The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. "Flawed? Can
you explain how?"

"You are working on the premise of duality," the student
explains. "You argue that there is life and then there's death; a
good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as
something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even
explain a thought."

"It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less
fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is
to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive
thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it."

"Now tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved
from a monkey?"

"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man,
yes, of course I do."

"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"

The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes
where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.

"Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and
cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you
not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a
preacher?"

The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the
commotion has subsided.

There is plenty of evidence for evolution and there has been observations of the process of evolution at work in an ongoing endeavor. Scientists teach whatever theories best fit the evidence. Theories are not hunches, as the word is used in common dialog. A theory is "A set of statements or principles devised to explain a group of facts or phenomena, especially one that has been repeatedly tested or is widely accepted and can be used to make predictions about natural phenomena." A preacher talks about matters of faith. Faith is "Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence." Click this link for Books about Evolution

"To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student,
let me give you an example of what I mean."

The student looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who
has ever seen the professor's brain?" The class breaks out into
laughter.

"Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt
the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one
appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of
empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have
no brain, with all due respect, sir."

"So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your
lectures, sir?"

Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his
face unreadable.

The brain can be empirically studied. Scientists use fMRIs (brain scans) to understand what parts of the brain are used in various mental activities such as speech, vision, and even thought and Glossolalia (speaking in tongues). The professor clearly has a brain and it can even be felt if he agrees to brain surgery.

Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. "I guess
you'll have to take them on faith."

"Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with
life," the student continues. "Now, sir, is there such a thing as
evil?"

Now uncertain, the professor responds, "Of course, there is. We see
it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man.
It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world.
These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it
does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is
just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe
the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of
what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart.
It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness
that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

Evil can also result from "acts of God" like hurricanes, tsunamis, and earthquakes; things that have nothing to do with man.

If you read it all the way through and had a smile on your face when
you finished, mail to your friends and family with the title: God and Science.

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