Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Italian Pregnancy

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.

The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, 'Who wasa the pig that did this to you? I want to know!'

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.

A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:

'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem'.

'I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.

Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account..
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.

If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each..

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'

At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells him

"You a gonna try again!" 

Being Green

You will love this e-mail and the font is bigger for our older

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the
older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because
plastic bags weren't good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this GREEN thing back in my earlier days."

The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation
did not care enough to save our environment for future

The woman said, "You are right -- our generation didn't have
that GREEN thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer
bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to
be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same
bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we
didn't have that GREEN thing back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that
were used for numerous things; most memorable besides household
garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers
for our school books. This was to ensure that public property,
(the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced
by our scribbling. Then we were able to personalize our books.
But too bad we didn't do that GREEN thing back then.

We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in
every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store
and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we
had to go two blocks. But you are right. We didn't have that
GREEN thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have
the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an
energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar
power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids
got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not
always brand-new clothing. But, young lady you are right; we
didn't have that GREEN thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in
every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a
handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the
state of Montana . In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by
hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything
for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we
used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or
plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and
burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mowerthat
ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need
to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on
electricity. But you're right; we didn't have that GREEN thing
back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using
a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water.
We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen,
and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing
away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we
didn't have that GREEN thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode
their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms
into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a
room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen
appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive
a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in
order to find the nearest burger joint.

But it's sad how your current generation laments how wasteful
we old folks were just because we didn't have that GREEN thing
back then."

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs
a lesson in conservation from smart Alec young people.

We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take
much to tick us off.

Find Sex in this picture!

Japanese Eye Test


Sorry, NO SEX for you!

If you cannot decipher anything, then try pulling the Corner of your eyes as if you were Japanese. Keep Pulling until your eyes are almost closed...It works. 

Too FUNNY not to pass on!