Monday, November 24, 2008



May your stuffing be tasty.
May your turkey be plump.
May your potatoes 'n gravy have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious.
May your pies take the prize.
May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs.


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Why, Why, Why

Why, Why, Why?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money in there to begin with?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's YOU!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Recall on Halloween candy - CAUTION - This is not a joke

Here's a real warning about tainted Halloween Candy. I checked out the Snopes link and they list it as True. However, it only affects Canada:

Sherwood Brands says those of its chocolate coins that contain melamine were vended only in Canada, that none of those confections reached the U.S.



Pass this along to everyone that has children that will go trick or treating.

There is a new warning put out by the Canadian Food Inspection Agency. Sherwood brand Pirate's Gold Milk Chocolate coins are being recalled due to the fact that they contain Melamine, the ingredient in milk product that has caused many infant deaths in China.

These candies are sold at Costco, as well as many bulk and dollar stores. Please make sure to check your children's Halloween candy and DO NOT LET THEM EAT THE PIRATE COINS (you know the ones wrapped in the shiny gold foil) and please let other parents know about this!

Here's the link to the Canadian Food Inspection Agency's recall notice:

Here's the link to verify the information on Snopes:

Friday, October 24, 2008

Why Women Hate Football

Here's a FUNNY Video that's been going around via email. It was sent to me as a WMV file, over a MB in size. But why send the whole file when it's all over YouTube! Here it is:

Read these articles about YouTube:

Sex on YouTube - A Parent's Guide

YouTube Stars - Creating Reality TV?

More articles by KennyCrane

Friday, October 3, 2008

A Dog Named Faith

Some of you may have heard about Faith - a while back Faith was on the Oprah Show....

A dog named Faith

This is a story about a dog who was born on Christmas Eve in 2002. He was born with 3 legs - 2 healthy hind legs and 1 abnormal front leg which needed to be amputated. He of course could not walk when he was born. Even his mother did not want him. He was rejected and scorned.

His first owner also did not think that he could survive. Therefore, he was thinking of putting him to sleep.. At this time, his present owner Jude String fellow came into his life and wanted to take care of him. She was determined to teach and train this dog to walk by himself. She thought, all we need is a little faith. Therefore she named him 'Faith.'

In the beginning, she put Faith on a surf board to let him feel the movements of the water. Later she used peanut butter on a spoon as a lure and to reward him for standing up and jumping around. Even the other dogs at home helped to encourage him to walk. Amazingly, after only 6 months, like a miracle, Faith learned to balance on his 2 hind legs and jumped to move forward. After further training in the snow, he can now walk like a human being.

Faith loves to walk around now. No matter where he goes, he just attracts all the people around him. He is now becoming famous on the international scene. He has appeared in various newspapers and TV shows. There is even one book entitled 'With a little faith' being published about him. He was even considered to appear in one of Harry Potter movies.

His present owner Jude Stringfellow has given up her teaching job and plans to take him around the world to preach, 'that even without a perfect body, one can have a perfect soul.'

In life there are always undesirable things.

Perhaps a person who feels things are not going as well as they could will feel better if they change their point of view and see things from another perspective.

Perhaps this message will bring fresh new ways of thinking to everyone.

Perhaps everyone can appreciate and be thankful for each beautiful day that follows.

Life is the continual demonstration of the power of thinking positive and having faith.

Believe in yourself. Never lose faith.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Vet speaks to Obama (Dear Mr. Obama)

This commercial was done by a local kid. You have to watch the whole thing. When he finishes talking and walks away, you get a sense of how this could be the commercial of the campaign season.

Hi, My son, Joe, just did a commercial for John McCain.

Please pass this on.

Bob Cook

Dear Mr. Obama

Watch this video on YouTube

Made by: weneedmccain
Rating: 3.95
Views: 9089170
Comments: 709
Category: News & Politics

An Iraq Veteran has a personal message for Barack Obama

Read these articles about YouTube:

Sex on YouTube - A Parent's Guide

YouTube Stars - Creating Reality TV?

More articles by KennyCrane

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

David Letterman comments

Here's an email that has been circulating, supposedly from David Letterman. Or is it from Jay Leno? According to Snopes, it's from neither gentleman. Still, it's food for thought, so have a look!


David Letterman wrote this; it's the David we
don't often see...

As most of you know I am not a President
Bush fan, nor have I ever been, but this is not
about Bush, it is about us, as Americans, and it
seems to hit the mark.

The other day I was reading Newsweek
magazine and came across some Poll data I found
rather hard to believe. It must be true given
the source, right?

The Newsweek poll alleges that 67
percent of Americans are unhappy with the
direction the country is headed and 69 percent of
the country is unhappy with the performance of
the President. In essence 2/3 of the citizenry
just ain't happy and want a change. So being the
knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, 'What
are we so unhappy about?'

A.. Is it that we have electricity and
running water 24 hours a day, 7 Days a week?

B.. Is our unhappiness the result of
having air conditioning in the summer and heating
in the winter?

C.. Could it be that 95.4 percent of
these unhappy folks have a job?

D.. Maybe it is the ability to walk
into a grocery store at any time and see more
food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last

E.. Maybe it is the ability to drive our
cars and trucks from the Pacific Ocean to the
Atlantic Ocean without having to present
identification papers as we move through each

F.. Or possibly the hundreds of clean
and safe motels we would find along the way that
can provide temporary shelter?

G.. I guess having thousands of
restaurants with varying cuisine from around the
world is just not good enough either.

H. Or could it be that when we wreck
our car, emergency workers show up and provide
services to help all and even send a helicopter
to take you to the hospital.

I.. Perhaps you are one of the 70
percent of Americans who own a home.

J.. You may be upset with knowing that
in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of
trained firefighters will appear in moments and
use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames,
thus saving you, your family, and your

K.. Or if, while at home watching one
of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or
prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun
and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you
and your family against attack or loss.

L.. This all in the backdrop of a
neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and
pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where
90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers.

M.. How about the complete religious,
social and political freedoms we enjoy that are
the envy of everyone in the world?

Maybe that is what has 67% of you folks

Fact is, we are the largest group of
ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever
seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. , yet
has a great disdain for its citizens. They see
us for what we are. The most blessed people in
the world who do nothing but complain about what
we don't have, and what we hate about the country
instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the
president who took us into war and has no plan to
get us out? The president who has a measly 31
percent approval rating? Is this the same
president who guided the nation in the dark days
after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to
bring an economy out of recession? Could this
be the same guy who has been called every name in
the book for succeeding in keeping all the
spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist
attacks? The commander in chief of an
all-volunteer army that is out there defending
you and me?

Did you hear how bad the President is
on the news or talk show? Did this news affect
you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't
take a look around for yourself and see all the
good things and be glad? Think about
it......are you upset at the President because he
actually caused you personal pain OR is it
because the 'Media' told you he was failing to
kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day.
Make no mistake about it.

The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have
volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have
died for your freedom. There is currently no
draft in this country. They didn't have to go..
They are able to refuse to go and end up with
either a 'general' discharge, an 'other than
honorable' discharge or, worst case scenario, a
'dishonorable' discharge after a few days in
the brig.

So why then the flat-out discontentment
in the minds of 69 percent of Americans?

Say what you want but I blame it on the
media. If it bleeds it leads and they
specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a
car crash with blood and guts How many will
watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The
media knows this and media outlets are for-profit
corporations. They offer what sells, and when
criticized, try to defend their actions by
'justifying' them in one way or another Just ask
why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J.
Simpson to write a book about how he didn't kill
his wife, but if he did he would have done it
this way......Insane!

Turn off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New
York Times for the bottom of your bird cage.
Then start being grateful for all we have as
country. There is exponentially more good than
bad. We are among the most blessed people on
Earth and should thank God several times a day,
or at least be thankful and appreciative. With
hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud
slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up
the country from one end to another, and with the
threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we
sure this is a good time to take God out of the
Pledge of Allegiance?

> David Letterman

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

FUNNY!! Chinese Fortune Cookies



Virginity like bubble,

one prick, all gone.


Man who run in front of car

get tired.


Man who run behind car

get exhausted.


Man with hand in pocket

feel cocky all day.


Foolish man give wife grand piano,

wise man give wife upright organ.


Man who walk through

airport turnstile sideways

going to Bangkok


Man with one chopstick go hungry.


Man who scratch ass

should not bite fingernails.

*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

Man who eat many prunes

get good run for money.


Baseball is wrong:

Man with four balls cannot walk.


Panties not best thing on earth!

But next to best thing on earth.


War does not determine who is right,

war determine who is left.


Wife who put husband in doghouse

soon find him in cathouse.


Man who fight with wife all day

get no piece at night.


It take many nails to build crib,

but one screw to fill it.


Man who drive like hell,

bound to get there.


Man who stand on toilet

is high on pot.

*~*~*~* ~ *~*~* ~ *~*~*

Man who live in glass house should

change clothes in basement.


Man who fish in other man's well,

often catch crabs.


Man who fart in church

sit in own pew.


Crowded elevator smell different to midget.


Now send it to 10 or more people.
Nothing will happen but will get 10 people laughing

If you know any more of these, please add them in the comments!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Dr. Dobson & CBS Reporter

Here's another email going around that, according to Snopes, is FALSE!

Read all about it:

Religion Articles at LFCPlease read our articles on Religion at LookingForClues. Thanks!


Dr. Dobson & CBS Response

Apparently we are to be allowed to watch TV
programs that use every foul word in the English
language, but not the word 'God.' It will only
take a minute to read this and see if you think
you should send it out.


CBS discontinued 'Touched by an Angel' for using
the word God in every program. Madelin e Murray
O'Hare, an atheist, successfully managed to
eliminate the use of Bible reading from public
schools a few years ago.

Now her organization has been granted a federal
hearing on the same subject by the Federal
Communications Commission (FCC) Washington, DC.

Their petition, Number 2493, would ultimately pave
the way to stop the reading of the gospel, our Lord
and Savior, on the airwaves of America.

They got 287,000 signatures to back their stand!
If this attempt is successful, all Sunday worship
services being broadcast on the radio or by
television will be stopped. This group is also
campaigning to remove all Chrismas programs and
Christmas carols from public schools!

You as a Christian can help!

We are praying for at least 1 million signatures. This would
defeat their effort and show that there are many Christians
alive, well and concerned about our country. As Christians
we must unite on this. Please don't take this lightly.

We ignored this lady once and lost prayer in our
school and in offices across the nation.

Please stand up for your religious freedom and let
your voice be heard. Together we can make a
difference in our country while creating a way for
the lost to know the Lord.

Please press 'forward', and forward this to
everyone that you think should read this.
Now, please sign your name at the bottom ( you
can only add your name after you have pressed the

Don't delete any other names, just go to the next
number and type your name and state. Please defeat this
organization and keep the right of our freedom of religion.

REMEMBER: Our country was founded on freedom of religion
and our Constitution is based on the 10 Commandments.

Agree or Delete: Instructions to sign are at the bottom.

(names omitted!)


Sunday, August 3, 2008

Things you don't see every day

Here's the first in a series of pics that I recently received in an email with the subject, "Things you don't see every day." This one made me laugh!!! Click on the pic to see it full-size.

Look at that cat flying through the air! If you're a "cat person" like me, you'll want to read this article on Cat Behavior.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Sheriff Joe Is At It Again

God will judge our enemies.We'll arrange the meeting. USMC

You all remember Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona , who painted the jail cellspink and made the inmates wear pink prison garb. Well.........SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN!

Oh, there's MUCH more to know about Sheriff Joe!

Maricopa County was spending approx. $18 million dollars a year on strayanimals, like cats and dogs. Sheriff Joe offered to take the departmentover, and the County Supervisors said okay. The animal shelters are now all staffed and operated by prisoners. They feed and care for the strays. Every animal in his care is taken out andwalked twice daily. He now has prisoners who are experts in animalnutrition and behavior. They give great classes for anyone who'd like to adopt an animal. He has literally taken stray dogs off the street, given them to the care of prisoners, and had them place in dog shows.

The best part? His budget for the entire department is now under $3million. Teresa and I adopted a Weimaraner from a Maricopa County shelter two years ago. He was neutered, and current on all shots, in great health,and even had a microchip inserted the day we got him. Cost us $78. The prisoners get the benefit of about $0.28 an hour for working, but mostwould work for free, just to be out of their cells for the day. Most of his budget is for utilities, building maintenance, etc. He pays the prisoners out of the fees collected for adopted animals.

I have long wondered when the rest of the country would take a look at the way he runs the jail system, and copy some of his ideas. He has a huge farm, donated to the county years ago, where inmates can work, and they grow most of their own fresh vegetables and food, doing all the work and harvesting by hand. He has a pretty good sized hog farm, which provides meat, and fertilizer. It fertilizes the Christmas tree nursery, where prisoners work, and you can buy a living Christmas tree for $6 - $8 for the Holidays, and plant it later. We have six trees in our yard from thePrison.

Yup, he was reelected last year with 83% of the vote. Now he's in trouble with the ACLU again. He painted all his buses and vehicles with a mural, that has a special hotline phone number painted onit, where you can call and report suspected illegal aliens. Immigrationsand Customs Enforcement wasn't doing enough in his eyes, so he had 40 deputies trained specifically for enforcing immigration laws, started up his hotline, and bought 4 new buses just for hauling folks back to the border. He's kind of a 'Git-R Dun' kind of Sheriff.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio (In Arizona ) who created the ' Tent City Jail': He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them. He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights. Cut off all but 'G' movies. He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects. Then He Started Chain Gangs For Women So He Wouldn't Get Sued For Discrimination. He took away cable TV Until he found out there was A Federal Court Order that Required Cable TV For Jails So He Hooked Up The Cable TV Again Only Let In The Disney Channel And The Weather Channel. When asked why the weather channel He Replied, So They Will Know How Hot It's Gonna Be While They Are Working ON My Chain Gangs. He Cut Off Coffee Since It Has Zero Nutritional Value. When the inmates complained, he told them, 'This Isn't TheRitz/Carlton.....If You Don't Like It, Don't Come Back.' He bought Newt Gingrich's lecture series on videotape that he pipes into the jails. When asked by a reporter if he had any lecture series by a Democrat, he replied that a democratic lecture series might explain why a lot of the inmates were in his jails in the first place.

More On The Arizona Sheriff: With Temperatures Being Even Hotter Than Usual In Phoenix (116 DegreesJust Set A New Record), the Associated Press Reports: About 2,000 Inmates Living In A Barbed-Wire-Surrounded Tent Encampment At The Maricopa County Jail Have Been Given Permission To Strip Down To Their Government-Issued Pink Boxer Shorts. On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 Degrees Inside The Week Before. Many Were Also Swathed In Wet, Pink Towels As Sweat Collected On Their Chests And Dripped Down To Their PINK SOCKS.' It Feels Like We Are In A Furnace,' Said James Zanzot, An Inmate WhoHasLived In The TENTS for 1 year. 'It's Inhumane.' Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: 'It's 120 Degrees In Iraq And Our Soldiers Are Living In Tents Too, And They Have To Wear Full Battle Gear, But They Didn't Commit Any Crimes, So Shut Your Mouths!'

Way To Go, Sheriff! Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes -not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves. If you agree, pass this on. If not, just delete it.

Sheriff Joe was just reelected Sheriff in Maricopa County, Arizona.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Cheap Labor?

This email has been going around for years. Like a game of "telephone," the text gets changed a little as it is repeated. There is an entry on about this. It provides text of the email as it existed in 2006 but does not discuss any of the points raised. See the Snopes entry under the title - The Cost of Tomatoes.

There is an interesting thread on the snopes message board about this email. I'll mention some of the points made in that tread, but first, here is the email as I received it, with the Subject: Cheap Labor?



This English teacher has phrased it the best I've seen yet 

Tomatoes and Cheap Labor ?
This should make everyone think, be you Democrat, Republican or Independent 

From a California school teacher - - - 

'As you listen to the news about the student protests over illegal immigration, there are some things that you should be aware of:

I am in charge of the English-as-a-second-language department at a large southern California high school which is designated a Title 1 school, meaning that its students average lower socioeconomic and income levels.

Most of the schools you are hearing about, South Gate High, Bell Gardens , Huntington Park , etc., where these students are protesting, are also Title 1 schools. 

Title 1 schools are on the free breakfast and free lunch program. When I say free breakfast, I'm not talking a glass of milk and roll -- but a full breakfast and cereal bar with fruits and juices that would make a Marriott proud. The waste of this food is monumental, with trays and trays of it being dumped in the trash uneaten. ( OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK )

I estimate that well over 50% of these students are obese or at least moderately overweight. About 75% or more DO have cell phones . The school also provides day care centers for the unwed teenage pregnant girls (some as young as 13) so they can attend class without the inconvenience of having to arrange for babysitters or having family watch their kids.( OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK) 

I was ordered to spend $700,000 on my department or risk losing funding for the upcoming year even though there was little need for anything; my budget was already substantial. I ended up buying new computers for the computer learning center, half of which, one month later, have been carved with graffiti by the appreciative students who obviously feel humbled and grateful to have a free education in America (OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK) 

I have had to intervene several times for young and substitute teachers whose classes consist of many illegal immigrant students here in the country less then 3 months who raised so much hell with the female teachers, calling them 'Putas' whores and throwing things that the teachers were in tears. 

Free medical, free education, free food, day care, etc., etc, etc.  Is it any wonder they feel entitled to not only be in this country but to demand rights, privileges and entitlements?

To those who want to point out how much these illegal immigrants contribute to our society because they LIKE their gardener and housekeeper and they like to pay less for tomatoes: spend some time in the real world of illegal immigration  and see the TRUE costs. 

Higher insurance, medical facilities closing, higher medical costs, more crime, lower standards of education in our schools, overcrowding, new diseases etc., etc, etc. For me, I'll pay more for tomatoes. 

We need to wake up. The guest worker program will be a disaster because we won't have the guts to enforce it Does anyone in their right mind really think they will voluntarily leave and return? 

It does, however, have everything to do with culture: A third-world culture that does not value education, that accepts children getting pregnant and dropping out of school by 15 and that refuses to assimilate , and an  American culture that has become so weak and worried about 'politically correctness'  that we don't have the will to do anything about it. 

If this makes your blood boil , as it did mine, forward this to everyone you know. 

CHEAP LABOR? Isn't that what the whole immigration issue is about?

Business doesn't want to pay a decent wage. 

Consumers don't want expensive produce. 

Government will tell you Americans don't want the jobs. 

But the bottom line is cheap labor. The phrase 'cheap labor' is a myth , a farce, and a lie. There is no such thing as 'cheap labor.' 

Take, for example, an illegal alien with a wife and five children. He takes a job for 
$5.00 or 6.00/hour. At that wage, with six dependents, he pays no income tax, yet at the end of the year, if he files an Income Tax Return, he gets an ' earned income credit' of up to $3,200 free. 

He qualifies for Section 8 housing and subsidized rent.

He qualifies for  food stamps. 

He qualifies for free (no deductible, no co-pay) health care. 

His children get free breakfasts and  lunches 
at school.He requires bilingual teachers and books. 

He qualifies for relief from high energy bills.

If they are or become, aged, blind or disabled, they qualify for SSI. Once qualified for SSI they can qualify for Medicare. All of this is at (our) taxpayer's expense 

He doesn't worry about car insurance, life insurance, or homeowners insurance. 

Taxpayers provide  Spanish language signs, bulletins and printed material.

He and his family receive the equivalent of $20.00 to $30.00/hour in benefits. 

Working Americans
are lucky to have $5.00 or $6.00/hour left after paying their bills and his. 

The American taxpayers also pay for increased crime, graffiti and trash clean-up. 

Cheap labor? YEAH RIGHT! Wake up people! 




This email seems to refer to Mexicans/Latinos since they are the ones who pick tomatoes and who speak the language referred to in the part about the "young and substitute teachers ... in tears." It is impossible to generalize and paint an entire group with such a broad brush. The tone of the email seems to indicate that the author may be trying to incite disdain for an entire group of people.

On the other hand, the author may just be annoyed at illegal immigrants regardless of where they are from. However, everyone who is here now, other than the Native Indians, are from somewhere else and it may be that they did not have the permission of the peoples that were here before them to immigrate. We may have originally bought land from the Indians, at a very good price. But it may be that we forced them into many deals over the years that were not in their best interests. The point is, it is worthwhile to consider how we ourselves got here, and what the circumstances were.

Immigration is a complex issue. They discussed several aspects of it in that Snopes message board thread, over the course of 30 posts. It is worth the 10 minutes you'll spend there to read and think about this in more depth. At a minimum, be sure to read posts 3, 14, 16 and 17.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Softball - A funny story / joke

Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives.

When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day.

One day Barb said, 'Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's women's soft-ball there.'

Rose looked up at Barb from her death bed and said, 'Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.'

Shortly after that, Rose passed on.

At midnight the following Friday, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, 'Barb, Barb.'

'Who is it?' asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?'

'Barb -- it's me, Rose.'

'You're not Rose. Rose just died.'

'I'm telling you , it's me, Rose,' insisted the voice.

'Rose! Where are you?'

'In Heaven,' replied Rose. 'I have some really good news and a little bad news.'

'Tell me the good news first,' said Barb.

The good news,' Rose said, 'is that there's Softball in Heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again.

Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired.'

'That's fantastic,' said Barb. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news'

'You're pitching Tuesday.'

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Cancer Prayer

I have had a dear loved one who was struck down by cancer, and others who have had it and fortunately have survived it. I had to pass this on. Please Pass It On if you want. Thanks.


Dear God, I pray for the cure of cancer.


Candles and Flowers in memory of loved ones lost to cancer.

All you are asked to do is keep this circulating.

Even if it's to one more person.

In memory of anyone you know that has been struck down by cancer

or is still living with it.

A Candle Loses Nothing by Lighting Another Candle.

Please Keep This Candle Going!

There will be a cure soon.

Thank you

Sunday, June 29, 2008

You Bet I'll Send It On!

Here's a patriotic email, appropriate for the upcoming 4th of July holiday. Remember, "Freedom isn't free, somebody paid!"


Freedom isn't free, somebody paid!


I was asked to send on if I agree or delete if I don't. It is said that 86% of Americans believe in God. Therefore I have a very hard time understanding why there is such a problem in having 'In God We Trust' on our money and having 'God' in the Pledge of Allegiance. I believe it's time we stand up for what we believe!

If you agree, pass this on, if not delete.

Monday, June 23, 2008

How Safe Is Your Neighborhood? UPDATED

When you visit this site you can enter your address and a map will pop up with your house as a small icon of a house. There will be red, blue and green dots surrounding your entire neighborhood. When you click on these dots a picture of a criminal will appear with his or her home address and the description of the crime he or she has committed.

The best thing is that you can show your children these pictures and see how close these people live to your home or school.

This site was developed by John Walsh from Americas Most Wanted. This is another tool we can use to help us keep our kids safe.

Please pass this on to everyone!!!

Click HERE to forward this!

Monday, May 26, 2008

Nicest Prayer I Have Heard In a Long Time

Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his
student loans for next semester.

Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the
same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to shar e that love with those we hold dear such as our spouse, children, brothers and sisters. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

7 Percent

A Holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said.
"Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like."

The Lord led the Holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors
and the Holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large
round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which
smelled delicious and made the Holy man's mouth water.

The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They
appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long
handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to
reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful.

But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not
get the spoons back into their mouths. The Holy man shuddered at the
sight of their misery and suffering.

The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the
same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large
pot of stew which made the Holy man's mouth water. The people were
equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were
well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.

The Holy man said, "I don't understand."

"It is simple," said the Lord. "It requires but one skill. You see
they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only
of themselves."

When Jesus died on the cross, He was thinking of you. Its estimated 93%
won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will, forward this
with the title "7%"

I'm in the 7% ~ Remember that I will always share my spoon with you.


Religion Articles at LFCPlease read our articles on Religion at LookingForClues. Thanks!

Sad News

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

If this made you smile for even a brief second, please rise to the occasion and take time to pass it on and share that smile with someone else who may be having a crumby day and kneads it.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Will you give this to my Daddy?

As a Company, Southwest Airlines is going to support 'Red Fridays.'

Last week I was in Atlanta , Georgia , attending a conference. While I was in the airport, returning home, I heard several people behind me beginning to clap and cheer. I immediately turned around and witnessed one of the greatest acts of patriotism I have ever seen.

Moving thru the terminal was a group of soldiers in their camos. As they began heading to their gate, everyone (well almost everyone) was abruptly to their feet with their hands waving and cheering..

When I saw the soldiers, probably 30-40 of them, being applauded and cheered for, it hit me. I'm not alone. I'm not the only red-blooded American who still loves this country and supports our troops and their families.

Of course I immediately stopped and began clapping for these young unsung heroes who are putting their lives on the line everyday for us so we can go to school, work, and home without fear or reprisal.

Just when I thought I could not be more proud of my country or of our service men and women, a young girl, not more than 6 or 7 years old, ran up to one of the male soldiers. He kneeled down and said 'hi.' The little girl then asked him if he would give something to her daddy for her.

The young soldier, who didn't look any older than maybe 22 himself, said he would try and what did she want to give to her daddy. Then suddenly the little girl grabbed the neck of this soldier, gave him the biggest hug she could muster and then kissed him on the cheek.

The mother of the little girl, who said her daughter's name was Courtney, told the young soldier that her husband was a Marine and had been in Iraq for 11 months now. As the mom was explaining how much her daughter Courtney missed her father, the young soldier began to tear up.

When this temporarily single mom was done explaining her situation, all of the soldiers huddled together for a brief second. Then one of the other servicemen pulled out a military-looking walkie-talkie. They started playing with the device and talking back and forth on it.

After about 10-15 seconds of this, the young soldier walked back over to Courtney, bent down and said this to her, 'I spoke to your daddy and he told me to give this to you.' He then hugged this little girl that he had just met and gave her a kiss on the cheek. He finished by saying 'your daddy told me to tell you that he loves you more than anything and he is coming home very soon.'

The mom at this point was crying almost uncontrollably and as the young soldier stood to his feet, he saluted Courtney and her mom. I was standing no more than 6 feet away from this entire event.

As the soldiers began to leave, heading towards their gate, people resumed their applause. As I stood there applauding and looked around, there were very few dry eyes, including my own. That young soldier in one last act of selflessness, turned around and blew a kiss to Courtney with a tear rolling down his cheek.

We need to remember everyday all of our soldiers and their families and thank God for them and their sacrifices. At the end of the day, it's good to be an American.

RED FRIDAYS ----- Very soon, you will see a great many people wearing Red every Friday. The reason? Americans who support our troops used to be called the 'silent majority'. We are no longer silent, and are voicing our love for God, country and home in record breaking numbers.

We are not organized, boisterous or over-bearing. We get no liberal media coverage on TV, to reflect our message or our opinions. Many Americans, like you, me and all our friends, simply want to recognize that the vast majority of America supports our troops.

Our idea of showing solidarity and support for our troops with dignity and respect starts this Friday -and continues each and every Friday until the troops all come home, sending a deafening message that.. Every red-blooded American who supports our men and women afar will wear something red. By word of mouth, press, TV -- let's make the United States on every Friday a sea of red much like a homecoming football game in the bleachers.

If every one of us who loves this country will share this with acquaintances, co-workers, friends, and family. It will not be long before the USA is covered in RED and it will let our troops know the once 'silent' majority is on their side more than ever; certainly more than the media lets on.

The first thing a soldier says when asked 'What can we do to make things better for you?' is...We need your support and your prayers.

Let's get the word out and lead with class and dignity, by example; and wear something red every Friday.



Wednesday, April 16, 2008

How People Make Money Online

It's very easy to set up a money-making website. Just find something that you love, make a website about it, and put Google AdSense ads on the pages. For an example of Google AdSense Ads, see any article at - here's one I wrote called "Sex on YouTube - A Parent's Guide". If you want to know more about Google AdSense, here's an email I got that offers a book on the subject for an incredibly low price!


Subject: The definitive guide to AdSense is now available!

If you aren't doing this, you are losing money!
Joel Comm makes you an offer you can't refuse!

Hi friend,

How would you like to do a joint venture with the world's
biggest search engine?

Everyone knows Google, but not everyone knows that Google
is handing out money to people like you and me.

It's true!

Since 2003, a select group of website publishers have
been quietly collecting checks from Google. And we're
not talking small checks. We're talking BIG checks!

Google takes in billions of dollars in advertising
revenue every year and they want to pay you to put their
ads on your site via their AdSense publisher program.

But is it as simple as putting code on your site?


But there is much more to making money with AdSense.

That's why I trust Joel Comm, author of the New York
Times Best Seller, "The AdSense Code", to provide me
with techniques and strategies to increase my AdSense

And that's why I encourage you to run, not walk, to
pick up a copy of Joel's new AdSense ebook, Google
AdSense Secrets: Fourth Edition.

It's been over two years since Joel last released an
updated version of his best selling "Google AdSense Secrets" ebook. This book is the definitive guide to making money
with AdSense and it is the only book you ever need to
master AdSense.

Joel regularly sells this book for $97.00. It's worth
every penny.

But what is doing now is going to send shockwaves through
the industry!

Joel has completely revised and extended AdSense Secrets
4.0 for 2008 to include all the latest AdSense cash-sucking
strategies and techniques that allow him to continue earning over $500/day in passive AdSense income!

So how is Joel saying "thank you" by offering this book?

It's the price!

Are you sitting down?

You are going to think I am toying with you, but this is the honest truth...

For a limited time, Joel is offering AdSense Secrets v4.0 to you for just $9.95!

Yes, you heard me right!

That's just $9.95!

Welcome to the biggest no-brainer of the year.

Go pick up a copy of AdSense Secrets 4.0 right NOW while
it is still priced at this amazing bargain of $9.95. You'll
be able to instantly download your copy and begin
implementing the same strategies and techniques that Joel
and his customers have used to generate incredible
passive income!

Honestly, I don't know how long Joel will make the book
available at this price, so I reccommend you hurry and
download it NOW!

To your success,



Money Articles at LFCPlease read our articles on Money at LookingForClues. Thanks!

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Dreaming of Snakes

Last night I had a dream. I was walking alone in a field when I saw a tree in the distance. The tree had a lot of branches and the branches had a lot of big green leaves on them. The tree was very full and its width was almost the same as its height.

As I got closer, I began to hear a song. It was a simple melody repeated over and over. As I got even closer, I noticed that there was a small snake sticking out from among the branches and leaves. The snake's head, and the first few feet of its body, were swaying back and forth in time with the music. It almost seemed like the music was coming from the snake. Although the snake was extending from the tree in my direction, I was not afraid of it. I sat down near the tree and listened to the song, which I found to be very pleasing and captivating.

Soon, I noticed that there was another snake in the tree. It was a much larger snake. This snake was to the left of the small snake and a little higher up. At first I just saw its head. Then the large snake began to move its head and part of its body along with the music and in time with the small snake. I saw that the large snake was extending much further from the tree than the small snake and I became afraid of it. I got up on my hands and feet, still facing the tree, and began to move away. The snake then lunged at me so I got up and ran away. The snake caught up to me and attacked me. I died.

The Song

I made a recording of the snake song, as I remember it from my dream. It's in SnakesDreamSong.mp3. It's just over a minute long. The volume starts at zero and it gradually gets louder. This represents the way I heard it as I approached. The end fades away, and represents the time when I ran away from the snake.


I had watched a show on the History Channel before I went to sleep. It was "Sex in the Bible" and the topic of snakes was discussed more than once. I had also played EverQuest that night. If you get within a certain distance of a low level creature, it may not attack. But if you get near a higher level creature, it will.

Possible Interpretations

1. Sometimes you repent for the small sins in your life and don't realize the big sins you continue to commit until it's too late.

2. Snakes travel together. So if you take up with one, thinking they're not too bad, realize that they may have friends that are much worse. Snakes could represent people, or risky behavior like drugs, sex or gambling.

3. You might be managing to deal with the small snakes in your life while the big snakes go unnoticed or ignored. The snakes could be relationships, finances, or health matters.


Religion Articles at LFCPlease read our articles on Religion at LookingForClues. Thanks!

Saturday, March 29, 2008




A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
Colonoscopies are no joke , but these comments during the exam were quite humorous.....

1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all..
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'


Health Articles at LFCPlease read our articles on Health at LookingForClues. Thanks!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Mural (in a smokers' lounge)

The single best thing you can do to improve your health is to quit somking! If you smoke, please read our article titled How To Stop Smoking to learn about your options for breaking this most unhealthy habit!




Health Articles at LFCPlease read our articles on Health at LookingForClues. Thanks!

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Dr. Feelgood

Here's a funny email about Health. The points seem to make sense, but of course they are not right! Read our Health articles for real advice on Health topics!


Questions for Doctor Feelgood.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.


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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

B. Hussein Obama

Here's an email that claims to provide information about Barack Obama. It states that it's contents have been checked out on and "It is factual." Actually, there IS a Snopes Story on this email but Snopes claims that it is False! Read more about Barack Obama on Snopes. Learn more about Barack Hussein Obama at this Wikipedia article about him.

Here's another interesting story going around about Obama. It has been reported that Raila Odinga of Kenya is his cousin. Allegedly, the two are close and speak by phone often. The Kenyan government accused supporters of Odinga of behind the protests in Kenya over the recent election that have left over a thosand people dead. It is further alleged that Odinga recently signed a memorandum of understanding between himself and Muslim leaders. Alleged Memorandum of UnderstandingIt states, among other things, that Odinga will "Within 6 months re-write the Constitution of Kenya to recognize Shariah as the only true law sanctioned by the Holy Quran for Muslim declared regions."

What does all this mean? It means that voters will need to educate themselves about all aspects of whichever candidates become their party's choices to run for President in the upcoming 2008 election. Research what each candidate stands for and who they associate with. Make an educated choice when you enter the polling place to vote in November. Please don't decide who to vote for on the basis of one email!


Who is Barack Obama?

Something that should be considered when you make your choice.

If you do not ever forward anything else, please forward this to all

your is very scary to think of what could lie ahead for us

here in our own United States...better heed this and pray about it and share it.

We checked this out on "". It is factual. Check for yourself.

Who is Barack Obama?

Probable U. S. presidential candidate, Barack Hussein Obama was born

in Honolulu, Hawaii, to Barack Hussein Obama, Sr., a black MUSLIM

from Nyangoma-Kogel, Kenya and Ann Dunham, a white Athiest from

Wichita, Kansas.

Obama's parents met at the University of Hawaii. When Obama was two

years old, his parents divorced. His father returned to Kenya. His

mother then married Lolo Soetoro, a RADICAL Muslim from Indonesia.

When Obama was 6 years old, the family relocated to Indonesia. Obama

attended a MUSLIM school in Jakarta. He also spent two years in a

Catholic school.

Obama takes great care to conceal the fact that he is a Muslim. He is

quick to point out that, "He was once a Muslim, but that he also

attended Catholic school."

Obama's political handlers are attempting to make it appear that

that he is not a radical.

Obama's introduction to Islam came via his father, and that this

influence was temporary at best. In reality, the senior Obama returned

to Kenya soon after the divorce, and never again had any direct

influence over his son's education.

Lolo Soetoro, the second husband of Obama's mother, Ann Dunham,

introduced his stepson to Islam. Obama was enrolled in a Wahabi school

in Jakarta.

Wahabism is the RADICAL ISLAMIC teaching that is followed by the Muslim

terrorists who are now waging Jihad against the western world. Since

it is politically expedient to be a CHRISTIAN when seeking major

public office in the United States, Barack Hussein Obama has joined

the United Church of Christ in an attempt to downplay his Muslim

background. ALSO, keep in mind that when he was sworn into office he

DID NOT use the Holy Bible, but instead the Koran.

Barack Hussein Obama will NOT recite the Pledge of Allegience nor

will he show any reverence for our flag. While others place their hands

over their hearts, Obama turns his back to the flag and slouches.

Let us all remain alert concerning Obama's expected presidential


The Muslims have said they plan on destroying the US from the inside

out, what better way to start than at the highest level - through the

President of the United States, one of their own!!!!


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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

A Short History Lesson - plz read

Here's another one of those emails that get passed around that are based on some truth but really exaggerate the facts! Snopes reports:

  • All schools in the UK have stopped teaching about the Holocaust in their history classes: False.
  • One history department in a northern UK city stopped teaching about the Holocaust because it wished to avoid confronting anti-Semitic sentiment and Holocaust denial among some Muslim pupils: True.
After you read the email below, be sure to visit the Snopes Story on this email for the rest of the story! The important thing to remember about this email is that the Holocaust DID happen and we must never forget it.


It is a matter of history that when Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces, General Dwight Eisenhower, found the victims of the death camps he ordered all possible photographs to be taken, and for the German people from surrounding villages to be ushered through the camps and even made to bury the dead. He did this because he said in words to this effect: "Get it all on record now - get the films - get the witnesses - because somewhere down the track of history some bastard will get up and say that this never happened". "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Edmund Burke In Memorial. This week, the UK removed The Holocaust from its school curriculum because it "offended" the Muslim population which claims it never occurred. This is a frightening portent of the fear that is gripping the world and how easily each country is giving into it. It is now more than 60 years after the Second World War in Europe ended. This e-mail is being sent as a memorial chain, in memory of the six million Jews, 20 million Russians, 10 million Christians and 1,900 Catholic priests who were murdered, massacred, raped, burned, starved and humiliated while the German and Russian peoples looking the other way! Now, more than ever, with Iran, among others, claiming the Holocaust to be "a myth," it is imperative to make sure the world never forgets. This e-mail is intended to reach 40 million people worldwide! Be a link in the memorial chain and help distribute this around the world. How many years will it be before the attack on the World Trade Center "never happened" because it offends some Muslim in the U.S.?????? Don't just delete this. It will take a minute to pass this along.


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Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day!

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'
The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.
Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word -
Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life -
Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children -
Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep -
Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job -
Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -
Remember that not one of us is without sin and we all answer to one MAKER.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down –

Put a smile on your face and thank GOD you're alive and still around.

And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

My Resume

My Resume

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned.I couldn't concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn't hackit, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it -mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was tooexhausting.

5. Then, I tried to be a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to mylife, but I just didn't have the thyme.

6. Next, I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it Icouldn't cut the mustard.

7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, bu t I didn't have anypatience.

9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory. I tried but I just didn't fit in.

10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't liveon my net income.

11. I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company,but the work was just too draining.

12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center but they said I wasn't fit forthe job.

13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job asa Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it wasalways the same old grind.


Articles containing the word "LAUGH" at

If you liked this funny list, you'll love the email on "Evaluation Comments."

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Even a Highway Cop would Laugh!



One Sign You're Driving Too Fast........

This one is destined to become a classic, If this doesn't make you laugh or at least smile ... you need to think seriously about getting professional assistance.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Good Clean Joke....

Religion Articles at LFCHere is a Christian/Computer related joke I recently received in my email. If you are looking for some serious religious reading, please browse our Religious Articles at; thanks!


A little Christian humor

( This is one of the best clean jokes I've seen in awhile!)

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on
the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired
of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have
had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and
from those results, I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports.
They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell. Then,
ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the
sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off. Satan
stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the
underworld. Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their
computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
"It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past
two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate.
"Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated!
How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"
God just shrugged and said,



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Wednesday, January 2, 2008

An Officer's Life

You wonder why he pulled you over and gave you a ticket for speeding.

He just worked an accident where poeple died because they were going too fast.

You wonder why that cop was so mean.

He just got done working a case where a drunk driver killed a kid.

You work for 8 hours.

He works for up to 18 hours.

You drink hot coffee to stay awake.

The cold rain in the middle of the night keeps him awake.

You complain of a "headache", and call in sick.

He goes into work still hurt and sore from the guy he had to fight the night before.

You drink your coffee on your way to the mall.

He spills his as he runs code to a traffic crash with kids trapped inside.

You make sure you're cell phone is in your pocket before you leave the house.

He makes sure his guns is clean and fully loaded and his vest is tight.

You talk trash about your "buddies" that aren't with you.

He watches his buddy get shot at, and wounded in front of him.

You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls.

He walks down the highway looking for body parts from a traffic crash.

You complain about how hot it is.

He wears fifty pounds of gear and a bullet proof vest in the middle of July and still runs around chasing crack heads.

You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong.

He runs out before he gets his food to respond to an armed robbery.

You get out of bed in the morning and take your time getting ready.

He gets called out of bed at 2 am after working 12 hours and has to be into work asap for a traffic homicide.

You go to the mall and get your hair redone.

He holds the hair of some college girl while she's puking in the back of his patrol car.

You're angry because your class ran 5 minutes over.

His shift ended 4 hours ago and there's no end in sight.

You call your girlfriend and set a date for tonight.

He can't make any plans because on his off days he still gets called back into work.

You yell and scream at the squad car that just passed you because they slowed you down.

He's in the driver seat of the squad car, going to cut somebody out of their car only to find out that they're dead when he gets there.

You roll your eyes when a baby cries in public.

He picks up a dead child in his arms and prays that it was crying.

You criticize your police dept and say they're never there quick enough.

He blasts the siren while the person in front of him refuses to move while talking on their cell phone and doing their makeup.

You hear the jokes about fallen officers and say they should have known better.

He is a hero and runs into situations when everyone else is running away in order to make sure no one else gets hurt, and loses his life doing it.

You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don't.

He would take a bullet for his buddy without question.

You sit there and judge him, saying that its a waste of money to have them around.

Yet as soon as you need help, he is there.

If you support your local police officers, repost this with a "An Officer's life"

If you don't support your police officers, well, then don't repost, it's not like you care any way...

Also, a shout out to the men and women of the Fire Departments , EMS and Dispatchers as well, without all these divisions, public safety wouldn't be available!!!!

Thank you to everyone involved, and may each and every day, everyone in their career come home safely!