CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up womans' leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY. . .

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"

Like these? MORE HERE:
http://emailgems.blogspot.com/2008/09/funny-chinese-fortune-cookies.html

FUNNY!! Chinese Fortune Cookies

CHINESE FORTUNE COOKIES:

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Virginity like bubble,

one prick, all gone.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who run in front of car

get tired.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who run behind car

get exhausted.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man with hand in pocket

feel cocky all day.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Foolish man give wife grand piano,

wise man give wife upright organ.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who walk through

airport turnstile sideways

going to Bangkok

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*=0

Man who scratch ass

should not bite fingernails.

*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*

Man who eat many prunes

get good run for money.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Baseball is wrong:

Man with four balls cannot walk.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Panties not best thing on earth!

But next to best thing on earth.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

War does not determine who is right,

war determine who is left.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wife who put husband in doghouse

soon find him in cathouse.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fight with wife all day

get no piece at night.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It take many nails to build crib,

but one screw to fill it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who drive like hell,

bound to get there.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who stand on toilet

is high on pot.

*~*~*~* ~ *~*~* ~ *~*~*

Man who live in glass house should

change clothes in basement.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fish in other man's well,

often catch crabs.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fart in church

sit in own pew.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Now send it to 10 or more people.
Nothing will happen but will get 10 people laughing

If you know any more of these, please add them in the comments!