Stop SOPA video

Here's an email I recently got about SOPA. I have not had the time to look very far into this controversial congressional bill but I present this video for you to view and think about!

Be a HERO and Help STOP SOPA Now!! I'll tell you How! This Video that Must Be SHARED!

-------------------------------------------

Subject: Important info

I believe this is very important information we all should be made aware of.

Thx for taking the time to watch this video.

YouTubeStars!

Looking for cool YouTube videos? Visit YouTubeStars and discover talented musicians, funny skitmakers, interesting vloggers and more! Please check out YouTubeStars - A guide to the most popular and most entertaining YouTube members and their videos. Online for over 5 years!

Help Wikipedia!

Hello, Email Gems fans!

Have you been to Wikipedia lately? I am there almost every day. So when I saw their Fundraiser appeal at the top of their site, I sent them a little money via PayPal. I would urge you to consider doing the same if you are a frequent user of the site.

I got this email from Wikipedia after I sent in my donation. They still need some more of us to step up and help. Read this and see if you can help Wikipedia!

------------------------------------------------

Dear Email Gems,

Here's how the Wikipedia fundraiser works: Every year we raise just the funds
that we need, and then we stop.

Because you and so many other Wikipedia readers donated over the past weeks,
we are very close to raising our goal for this year by December 31 -- but we're
not quite there yet.

You've already done your part this year. Thank you so much. But you can help
us again by forwarding this email to a friend who you know relies on Wikipedia
and asking that person to help us reach our goal today by clicking
here and making a donation.

If everyone reading this email forwarded it to just one friend, we think that
would be enough to let us end the fundraiser today.

Of course, we wouldn't turn you down if you wanted to make
a second donation or a monthly gift.

Google might have close to a million servers. Yahoo has something like 13,000
staff. We have 679 servers and 95 staff.

Wikipedia is the #5 site on the web and serves 470 million different people
every month – with billions of page views.

Commerce is fine. Advertising is not evil. But it doesn't belong here. Not in
Wikipedia. Wikipedia is something special. It is like a library or a public
park. It is like a temple for the mind. It is a place we can all go to think, to
learn, to share our knowledge with others.

When I founded Wikipedia, I could have made it into a for-profit company with advertising, but I decided to do something different. We’ve worked hard over the years to keep it lean and tight. We fulfill our mission, and leave waste to others.

Thanks
again for your support this year. Please help spread the word by forwarding this
email to someone you know.

Thanks,
Jimmy Wales
Wikipedia Founder

This is why I forward jokes

This explains why I forward jokes.

A man and his dog were walking along a road.
The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years.
He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble...
At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl,
and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.
He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out,
'Excuse me, where are we?'

'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered..
'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.

Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveler asked.
'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed.
There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

'Excuse me!' he called to the man.
'Do you have any water?'

'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'
'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.
'There should be a bowl by the pump.'

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree..

'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.

'This is Heaven,' he answered.

'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said.
'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'

'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates?
Nope. That's hell.'

'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'

'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'



Soooo...
Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.

Maybe this will explain.

When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do?
You forward jokes.

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact,
you forward jokes.

When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how,
you forward jokes.

Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still loved, you are still cared for,
guess what you get?
A forwarded joke.

So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today
and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile.

You are all welcome at my water bowl anytime.

OMG!!! FUNNY PIC!!!

Its that awkward moment when.......



...you realize that your friend's fat arm makes you look naked in the office party photo

High School Exit Exam

This will drive you nuts!

High School Exit Exam.....!!!

(Passing requires 4 correct answers)

GOOD LUCK !!!


1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI's first name?

8) What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?


Remember, you need 4 correct answers to pass.


Check your answers below ....







ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years.

2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador.

3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses.

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November.

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur.

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs.

7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert.

8) What color is a purple finch ? Crimson.

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand.

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)


What do you mean, you failed? Me, too.


(And if you try to tell me you passed, you LIED!)


Pass this on to some brilliant friends, so they may feel useless too.

Keep the gray matter active

Keep the gray matter active

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet his birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

8. What was the President's Name in 1975?

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in n ow?

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?








Here are the Answers

1. Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?

Answer: Johnny, of course.

2. There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall, and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

Answer: Meat.

3. Before Mt. Everest was discovered, what was the highest mountain in the world?

Answer: Mt. Everest; it just wasn't discovered yet. [You're not very good at this, are you?]

4. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

Answer: There is no dirt in a hole.

5. What word in the English Language is always spelled incorrectly?

Answer: Incorrectly

6. Billy was born on December 28th, yet her birthday is always in the summer. How is this possible?

Answer: Billy lives in the Southern Hemisphere

7. In California, you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?

Answer: You can't take pictures with a wooden leg. You need a camera to take pictures.

8. What was the President's Name in 1975?

Answer: Same as is it now - Barack Obama [Oh, come on ....]

9. If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

Answer: You would be in 2nd. Well, you passed the person in second place, not first.

10. Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg are white" or "The yolk of the egg is white"?

Answer: Neither, the yolk of the egg is yellow [Duh]

11. If a farmer has 5 haystacks in one field and 4 haystacks in the other field, how many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in another field?

Answer: One. If he combines all of his haystacks, they all become one big stack.

You can go back to sleep now ....

Chuckle

This is a quick and funny joke for you all, that I just got in my email inbox yesterday. Enjoy! If you like it, or any other email posted on this site, please share it with your friends on Twitter, FaceBook, Tumblr, etc. Thanks!

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One winter morning at breakfast a couple was listening to the radio.

They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8-10 inches of snow

today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so

the snowplow can get through." The wife went out and moved her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio

announcer said, "We are expecting 10-12 inches of snow today, you will

need to move your car to the odd-numbered side of the street so the

snowplow can get through." So the wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week, while they were eating breakfast, the radio

announcer said, "We are expecting 12-14 inches of snow today and you must

park..." Then the power went off! The wife was very upset. With a worried

look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of

the street am I supposed to park on?"

With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to

blondes exhibit, her husband said,

"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time."

A cat and dolphins, the LONG version

Been around before but worth a second look.

This is a video of a house cat on a boat, and a few dolphins in the water interacting.

The dolphin pets the cat with its snout. The cat kisses the dolphin and touches the side of its snout with its paw. Very cute animal video for cat lovers and dolphin lovers too!

YouTubeStars!

Looking for cool YouTube videos? Visit YouTubeStars and discover talented musicians, funny skitmakers, interesting vloggers and more! Please check out YouTubeStars - A guide to the most popular and most entertaining YouTube members and their videos. Online for over 5 years!

Lion and the Bear

Watch the bear

YOU HAVE GOT TO TAKE A MINUTE AND WATCH THIS VIDEO. THERE IS NOT A WORD SPOKEN, BUT IT WILL SURE HOLD YOUR ATTENTION.

How on earth did they film this one ?

YouTubeStars!

Looking for cool YouTube videos? Visit YouTubeStars and discover talented musicians, funny skitmakers, interesting vloggers and more! Please check out YouTubeStars - A guide to the most popular and most entertaining YouTube members and their videos. Online for over 5 years!

Funny Lawyer Joke

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him
About, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you
Been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go up stairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her Husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'

Label Genetically Engineered Food

Last week the Center for Food Safety filed a formal legal petition with FDA demanding that the agency require the labeling of genetically engineered foods. The petition was the result of many months of legal work and raises several arguments showing why FDA must change its current policy and require labeling. Now, we are spearheading a drive with over 350 other organizations and businesses in the Just Label It! Campaign, to direct one million comments to the FDA in support of our petition. Unsuspecting consumers by the tens of millions are being allowed to purchase and consume unlabeled genetically engineered foods, despite the fact that FDA undertakes no testing of its own, instead relying only on a voluntary consultation with industry and confidential industry data to assure safety. Internal FDA documents discovered in prior CFS litigation actually indicated the foods could pose serious risks, but those views were overruled. Currently, up to 85 percent of U.S. corn is genetically engineered, as are 91 percent of soybeans and 88 percent of cotton (cottonseed oil is often used in food products). According to industry, up to 95% of sugar beets are now GE, although the decision to commercialize GE sugar is currently under legal challenge by CFS. It has been estimated that upwards of 70 percent of processed foods on supermarket shelves–from soda to soup, crackers to condiments–contain genetically engineered ingredients. Genetically engineered foods are required to be labeled in the 15 European Union nations, Russia, Japan, China, Australia, New Zealand, and many other countries around the world. The United States is one of the only countries in the world that doesn’t require labeling of GE food! In America, we pride ourselves on having choices and making informed decisions. Under current FDA regulations, we don't have that choice when it comes to GE ingredients in the foods we purchase and feed our families. In fact, a recent poll released by ABC News found that 93 percent of the American public wants the federal government to require mandatory labeling of genetically engineered foods. As ABC News stated, “Such near-unanimity in public opinion is rare.” Americans have been asking Congress to pass a labeling law for more than 10 years, to no avail. It’s time to take the fight back to FDA—bigger and louder than ever before. Please send your comment to FDA in support of CFS’s petition and to President Obama in support of mandatory labeling of genetically engineered foods!

Center for Food Safety

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

LINK: What is Genetically Engineered Food? Also Known as Genetically Modified Food or GMO.

Cucumbers

WOW!!! WHAT A LITTLE GEM THE CUCUMBER IS. I WILL LOOK AT IT DIFFERENTLY NOW.


1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need
every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin
B1, Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin
B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron,
Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and
Zinc.

2. Feeling tired in the afternoon,
put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a
cucumber. Cucumbers are a good source of B
Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that
quick pick-me-up that can last for
hours.

3. Tired of your bathroom mirror
fogging up after a shower? Try rubbing a
cucumber slice along the mirror, it will
eliminate the fog and provide a soothing,
spa-like fragrance.

4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? Place a few
slices in a small pie tin and your garden will
be free of pests all season long. The chemicals
in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give
off a scent undetectable to humans but drive
garden pests crazy and make them flee the
area.

5. Looking for a
fast and easy way to remove cellulite before
going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or
two of cucumbers along your problem area for a
few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber
cause the collagen in your skin to tighten,
firming up the outer layer and reducing the
visibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles
too!!!

6. Want to avoid a hangover or
terrible headache? Eat a few cucumber slices
before going to bed and wake up refreshed and
headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B
vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential
nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in
equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover and
headache!!

7. Looking to fight off that
afternoon or evening snacking binge? Cucumbers
have been used for centuries and often used by
European trappers, traders and explores for
quick meals to thwart off starvation.

8. Have an important meeting or job interview and
you realize that you don't have enough time to
polish your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber
over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a
quick and durable shine that not only looks
great but also repels
water.


9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge? Take a
cucumber slice and rub it along the problematic
hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!

10. Stressed out and don't have time for a massage,
facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire
cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water,
the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber
will react with the boiling water and be
released in the steam, creating a soothing,
relaxing aroma that has been shown to reduce
stress in new mothers and college students
during final exams.

11. Just finish a business lunch and realize you don't have gum or mints? Take a slice of cucumber and press it to
the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30
seconds to eliminate bad breath, the
phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in your
mouth responsible for causing bad breath.

12. Looking for a 'green' way to
clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel?
Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the
surface you want to clean, not only will it
remove years of tarnish and bring back the
shine, but is won't leave streaks and won't harm
you fingers or fingernails while you clean.


13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the
cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen
writing, also works great on crayons and markers
that the kids have used to decorate the walls!!

Pass this along to everybody you
know who is looking for better and safer ways to
solve life's everyday problems..

Baby Boomer Test

MEMORY TEST!
(You might want to have a paper and pencil handy to record your answers. Your mind isn't as sharp as it once was!)

This is NOT a pushover test. It's a Baby Boomer-era test!

There are 20 questions. Average score is 12. This one will be difficult for the younger set. (DUDE!)

Have fun, but no peeking !

When you forward this to your friends/family, put your score in the subject line.
Don't forget to forward it to me, as well.

Good luck, youngsters ,


1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?

A. Flintstones vitamins
B. The Buttmaster
C. Spaghetti
D. Wonder Bread
E. Orange Juice
F. Milk
G. Cod liver oil


2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was...

A. Sugar Ray Robinson
B. Roy Orbison
C. Gene Autry
D. Rudolph Valentino
E. Fabian
F. Mickey Mantle
G. Cassius Clay


3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, 'We have met the enemy and....

A. It's you.
B. He is us.
C. It's the Grinch.
D. He wasn't home..
E. He's really me and you.
F. We quit.
G. He surrendered.


4. Good night, David.

A. Good night, Chet ..
B. Sleep well.
C. Good night, Irene.
D. Good night, Gracie.
E. See you later, alligator.
F. Until tomorrow.
G. Good night, Steve ...


5. You'll wonder where the yellow went...

A. When you use Tide.
B. When you lose your crayons.
C. When you clean your tub.
D. If you paint the room blue.
E. If you buy a soft water tank.
F. When you use Lady Clairol.
G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent.


6. Before he was the Skipper's Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie's friend...

A. Stuart Whitman
B. Randolph Scott.
C. Steve Reeves.
D. Maynard G. Krebs.
E. Corky B. Dork.
F. Dave the Whale.
G. Zippy Zoo.


7. Liar, liar...

A. You're a liar.
B. Your nose is growing..
C. Pants on fire.
D. Join the choir
E. Jump up higher.
F. On the wire.
G. I'm telling Mom.


8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle for truth, justice and.....

A. Wheaties.
B. Lois Lane.
C. TV ratings.
D. World peace.
E. Red tights.
F. The American way.
G. News headlines.


9. Hey, kids! What time is it?

A. It's time for Yogi Bear.
B. It's time to do your homework.
C. It's Howdy Doody Time.
D. It's time for Romper Room.
E. It's bedtime.
F. The Mighty Mouse Hour.
G. Scoopy Doo Time.


10. Lions and tigers and bears..!

A. Yikes.
B. Oh, no.
C. Gee whiz.
D. I'm scared.
E. Oh my.
F. Help! Help!
G. Let's run.


11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone....

A. Over 40.
B. Wearing a uniform.
C. Carrying a briefcase.
D. Over 30.
E. You don't know.
F. Who says, 'Trust me’?
G. Who eats tofu.


12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women's stockings...

A. Troy Aikman
B. Kenny Stabler
C. Joe Namath
D. Roger Staubach
E. Joe Montana
F. Steve Young
G. John Elway


13. Brylcream...

A. Smear it on.
B. You'll smell great.
C. Tame that cowlick.
D. Grease ball heaven.
E. It's a dream.
F. We're your team.
G. A little dab'll do ya.


14. I found my thrill...

A. In Blueberry muffins.
B. With my man, Bill.
C. Down at the mill.
D. Over the windowsill.
E. With thyme and dill.
F. Too late to enjoy.
G. On Blueberry Hill


15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by...

A. Clark Gable.
B. Mary Martin.
C. Doris Day.
D. Errol Flynn.
E. Sally Fields.
F. Jim Carrey.
G. Jay Leno.


16. Name the Beatles...

A. John, Steve, George, Ringo
B. John, Paul, George, Roscoe
C. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo
D. Jay, Paul, George, Ringo
E. Lewis, Peter, George, Ringo
F. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel
G. John, Paul, George, Ringo


17. I wonder, wonder, who.

A. Who ate the leftovers?
B. Who did the laundry?
C. Was it you?
D. Who wrote the book of love?
E. Who I am?
F. Passed the test?
G. Knocked on the door?


18. I'm strong to the finish...

A. Cause I eats my broccoli.
B. Cause I eats me spinach.
C. Cause I lift weights.
D. Cause I'm the hero.
E. And don't you forget it.
F. Cause Olive Oyl loves me.
G. To outlast Bruto.


19. When it's least expected, you're elected, you're the star today.

A. Smile, you're on Candid Camera.
B. Smile, you're on Star Search.
C. Smile, you won the lottery.
D. Smile, we're watching you.
E. Smile, the world sees you.
F. Smile, you're a hit.
G. Smile, you're on TV.


20. What do M & M's do?

A. Make your tummy happy!
B. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket.
C. Make you fat.
D. Melt your heart.
E. Make you popular..
F. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
G. Come in colors.


Below are the right answers:











1. D - Wonder Bread
2. G - Cassius Clay
3. B - He Is us
4. A - Good night, Chet
5. G - When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
6. D - Maynard G. Krebs
7. C - Pants on fire
8. F - The American Way
9. C - It's Howdy Doody Time
10. E - Oh my
11. D - Over 30
12. C - Joe Namath
13. G - A little dab'll do ya
14. G - On Blueberry Hill
15. B -Mary Martin
16. G - John, Paul, George, Ringo
17. D - Who wrote the book of Love
18. B - Cause I eats me spinach
19. A - Smile, you're on Candid Camera
20. F - Melt in your mouth not in your hand

Don't forget to put your score in the subject line, when you forward this on!

13 THINGS YOUR BURGLAR WON'T TELL YOU

There are some really great tips here:
The best are near the end.
Common sense applied in a vigorous way.

13 THINGS YOUR BURGLAR WON'T TELL YOU

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

1. Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator.

2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to make my return a little easier.

3. Love those flowers. That tells me you have taste... and taste means there are nice things inside. Those yard toys your kids leave out always make me wonder what type of gaming system they have.

4. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway. And I might leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it takes you to remove it.

5. If it snows while you're out of town, get a neighbor to create car and foot tracks into the house. Virgin drifts in the driveway are a dead giveaway.

6. If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don't let your alarm company install the control pad where I can see if it's set. That makes it too easy.

7. A good security company alarms the window over the sink. And the windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom - and your jewelry. It's not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there too.

8. It's raining, you're fumbling with your umbrella, and you forget to lock your door - understandable. But understand this: I don't take a day off because of bad weather.

9. I always knock first. If you answer, I'll ask for directions somewhere or offer to clean your gutters. (Don't take me up on it.)

10. Do you really think I won't look in your sock drawer? I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine cabinet.

11. Here's a helpful hint: I almost never go into kids' rooms.

12. You're right: I won't have enough time to break into that safe where you keep your valuables. But if it's not bolted down, I'll take it with me.

13. A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm system. If you're reluctant to leave your TV on while you're out of town, you can buy a $35 device that works on a timer and simulates the flickering glow of a real television. (Find it at http://www.faketv/.com/)


8 MORE THINGS A BURGLAR WON'T TELL YOU:


1. Sometimes, I carry a clipboard. Sometimes, I dress like a lawn guy and carry a rake. I do my best to never, ever look like a crook.

2. The two things I hate most: loud dogs and nosy neighbors.

3. I'll break a window to get in, even if it makes a little noise. If your neighbor hears one loud sound, he'll stop what he's doing and wait to hear it again. If he doesn't hear it again, he'll just go back to what he was doing. It's human nature.

4. I'm not complaining, but why would you pay all that money for a fancy alarm system and leave your house without setting it?

5. I love looking in your windows. I'm looking for signs that you're home, and for flat screen TVs or gaming systems I'd like. I'll drive or walk through your neighborhood at night, before you close the blinds, just to pick my targets.

6. Avoid announcing your vacation on your Facebook page. It's easier than you think to look up your address.

7. To you, leaving that window open just a crack during the day is a way to let in a little fresh air. To me, it's an invitation.

8. If you don't answer when I knock, I try the door. Occasionally, I hit the jackpot and walk right in.

Sources: Convicted burglars in North Carolina , Oregon , California , and Kentucky ; security consultant Chris McGoey, who runs http://www.crimedoctor.com/ and Richard T. Wright, a criminology professor at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, who interviewed 105 burglars for his book Burglars on the Job.


Protection for you and your home:
If you don't have a gun, here's a more humane way to wreck someone's evil plans for you.


WASP SPRAY


A friend who is a receptionist in a church in a high risk area was concerned about someone coming into the office on Monday to rob them when they were counting the collection. She asked the local police department about using pepper spray and they recommended to her that she get a can of wasp spray instead.

The wasp spray, they told her, can shoot up to twenty feet away and is a lot more accurate, while with the pepper spray, they have to get too close to you and could overpower you. The wasp spray temporarily blinds an attacker until they get to the hospital for an antidote. She keeps a can on her desk in the office and it doesn't attract attention from people like a can of pepper spray would. She also keeps one nearby at home for home protection.. Thought this was interesting and might be of use.


FROM ANOTHER SOURCE:

On the heels of a break-in and beating that left an elderly woman in Toledo dead, self-defense experts have a tip that could save your life.

Val Glinka teaches self-defense to students at Sylvania Southview High School . For decades, he's suggested putting a can of wasp and hornet spray near your door or bed.
Glinka says, "This is better than anything I can teach them."
Glinka considers it inexpensive, easy to find, and more effective than mace or pepper spray. The cans typically shoot 20 to 30 feet; so if someone tries to break into your home, Glinka says, "spray the culprit in the eyes". It's a tip he's given to students for decades. It's also one he wants everyone to hear. If you're looking for protection, Glinka says look to the spray.

"That's going to give you a chance to call the police; maybe get out." Maybe even save a life.

Put your car keys beside your bed at night.
Tell your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your parents, your Dr.'s office, the check-out girl at the market, everyone you run across. Put your car keys beside your bed at night.

If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies. This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this: It's a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation. Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park in your driveway or garage. If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break into your house, odds are the burglar/rapist won't stick around. After a few seconds all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won't want that. And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there. This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime.

P.S.
I am sending this to everyone I know because I think it is fantastic. Would also be useful for any emergency, such as a heart attack, where you can't reach a phone. My Mom has suggested to my Dad that he carry his car keys with him in case he falls outside and she doesn't hear him. He can activate the car alarm and then she'll know there's a problem.

Please pass this on even IF you've read it before. It's a reminder.

Please share this with all the people in your life.

I'm older than dirt!

. . . THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY THIS . . .
'Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained. !
'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never wore Levis , never set foot on a golf course, never traveled out of the country or had a credit card.

In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears & Roebuck.
Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow)

We didn't have a television in our house until I was 19.
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a..m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.

I was 21 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.'
When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.

I never had a telephone in my room.
The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers -- my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get up at 6AM every morning.
On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers. His favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told him to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

MEMORIES from a friend :

My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.

How many do you remember?
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.


Older Than Dirt Quiz :

Count all the ones that you remember,
not the ones you were told about.
Ratings at the bottom.

1. Blackjack chewing gum
2.Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
6 . Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines on the telephone
8 Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11.. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels... [if you were fortunate] )
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S& H greenstamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You' re older than dirt!

I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.
Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really O L D friends.

Just a thought

One day a woman's husband died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom, the wife was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't "anymore." No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more "just one minute."

Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, say "I love you."

So while we have it, it's best we love it, care for it, fix it when it's broken and heal it when it's sick.

This is true for marriage ..... and old cars, children with bad report cards, dogs with
bad hips, family and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it ...... because we are worth it..

Some things we keep -- like a friend who moved away or a sister-in-law after divorce. There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what.

Life is important.
We only have one.

We only have one mom, one dad, one unique brother or sister or friend. I received this from someone who thought I was a 'keeper'! Then I sent it to the people I think of in the same way.


Now it's your turn to send this to all those people who are "keepers" in your life, including the person who sent it, *if you feel that way.*

Suppose one morning you never wake up. Do all your friends know you love them?

I was thinking....I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling or three words needing to be said.

Let every one of your friends and family know you love them. Even if you think they
don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do.

And just in case GOD calls me home . . . here you go.

I LOVE YA !
:-)

Live today to the fullest because tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

Favor - A SMALL REQUEST... Cure Cancer

Cancer is a strange cell.
You can go along for years in remission
and then one day it pops its head up again.
If you ever have it you will never be free of it.
Pray for the day there will be a permanent cure.

A small request.....Just one line


Dear God,
I pray that You will guide someone to find a cure for cancer.
In Jesus Name, Amen




All you are asked to do is keep this circulating.
Even if it's only to one more person.
In memory of anyone you know who has been
struck down by cancer or is still living with it.
A Candle Loses Nothing by Lighting Another Candle.

Please Keep This Candle Going

31 Year Old Video Clip--TRUTH!!!!!

31 Year Old Video Clip TRUTH!!!!!

This may be 31 years old, but it is so right-on for what we are battling every day! People are so caught up in political correctness that they don't have the brains to think things through!!!

Milton Friedman - Greed

YouTubeStars!

Looking for cool YouTube videos? Visit YouTubeStars and discover talented musicians, funny skitmakers, interesting vloggers and more! Please check out YouTubeStars - A guide to the most popular and most entertaining YouTube members and their videos. Online for over 5 years!

Uploaded by mearbhrach on Jul 14, 2007


In his book "Capitalism and Freedom" (1962) Milton Friedman (1912-2006) advocated minimizing the role of government in a free market as a means of creating political and social freedom.

An excerpt from an interview with Phil Donahue in 1979.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Milton_Friedman


Category: News & Politics

Tags:
economics
philosophy
politics
government
capitalism
socialism
communism
freedom
donahue

License: Standard YouTube License

You will be on the edge of your seat with this one...

Has to be English, they have the most Bizarre humor of anyone (Ed: Might actually be German).

You will be laughing after it ends.

Try and guess what this commercial is for … BEFORE it ends …

Watch FULL SCREEN!

YouTubeStars!

Looking for cool YouTube videos? Visit YouTubeStars and discover talented musicians, funny skitmakers, interesting vloggers and more! Please check out YouTubeStars - A guide to the most popular and most entertaining YouTube members and their videos. Online for over 5 years!

Uploaded by MrPrice2U on Apr 29, 2011


What an excellent day for an exorcism.

Dirt Devil - Exorcist (90")
Brand: Dirt Devil
Product: Centrino Cleancontrol
Production Company: Filmakademie Baden-Württemberg
Creative: Andre Price
Producer: Christian Hergenröther
Director: Andreas Roth
Dop: Roland Stuprich
Music: The German Wahnsinn Team
Editor: Alexander Menkö
Postproduction: lafourmi postproduction, nhb video


Category: Comedy

Tags:
Fun
Dirt Devil
Horror
Advertisement
MrPrice2U
Andy Red
commercial
horror
exorcist
exorzist
devil
horror movie
paranormal
Exorcist II: The Heretic
The Exorcism of Emily Rose
Exorcist III: Legion
Exorcist: The Beginning
Rec3
Rec2
Rec
The Last Exorcism
The Rite
Constantine
funny
showreel
haunting
teen interest

License: Standard YouTube License

Nine Months Later

Nine Months Later
Enjoy!


Leroy and Bubba who were buddies, decided to go fishing. So they loaded up Leroy's minivan and headed east of the mountains, were the lakes were plentiful and the fish were almost jumping in the boat. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible sand storm, blizzard like. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

I realize it's a terrible sand blizzard out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed. She explained. I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.

Don't worry Leroy said, we'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light. The lady agreed, and the men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of fishing. But about nine months later, Leroy got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the fishing weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bubba and asked, Bubba, do you remember that good looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our fishing trip east of the mountains about 9 months ago?

Yes, I do, said Bubba.

Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?

Well, um, yes,' Bubba said, a little embarrassed about being found out, I have to admit that I did, but she explained that she was so lonely and needed male companionship, because it had been a long time. We had a good time!

And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?

Yeah I did, I'm sorry, but why do you ask?

** Now drop down for the conclusion of the matter**


*









*

*





*



She just died and left me everything.

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you? Admit it; you know you smiled...now keep that smile for the rest of the day!)

11 Great Rules - NOT by Bill Gates

This email has been going around for years. This Urban Legends site says it was actually written by Charles J. Sykes.

Whoever wrote it, you can have a look and see if you agree or disagree with what is said. For a version with 3 extra rules, see this.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

~ Bill Gates ~

This should be posted in every school or kid's bedroom.

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this!

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about eleven (11) things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.


Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2 : The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: They called it opportunity.

Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer.

*This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF.

*Do that on your own time.

Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.




If you can read this... Thank a Teacher.

If you can read this in English... Thank a Soldier!

And for life and everything else you have... Thank God!!


Now.... think about this and smile if you agree and please pass this on...
If you don't agree, go stick your head in the sand and take a deep breath!

My Blackberry Is Not Working!

Ahhh - British humor

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Uploaded to YouTube by the BBC.

More about this programme: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00wyj62

Ronnie Corbett and Harry Enfield star in this fruity sketch from The One Ronnie, written by Dawson Bros.

If you're in the USA, you might not get the part at 0:31 about trying it "on Orange" - Orange is a telecom company, read more here.

Court Reporters, FUNNY!!!

IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________


ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
(My Favorite)
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
(Another favorite)
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral..
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________


And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Children Are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using the tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I Love this child)
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie...... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
__________________________________

PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH!
LAUGHTER IS THE SOUL'S MEDICINE!!

CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY

Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.

Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

Better to be pissed off than pissed on.

Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

Squirrel who runs up womans' leg will not find nuts.

Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.

Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.

Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

Finally CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY. . .

"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"

Like these? MORE HERE:
http://emailgems.blogspot.com/2008/09/funny-chinese-fortune-cookies.html

Growing Up Without a Cell Phone

Growing Up Without a Cell Phone Hysterical,but true.

If you are 40 or older, you might think this is
hilarious if not you may not understand any of it!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with
their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When
they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five
miles to school every morning....Uphill...
Barefoot...BOTH ways...yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,
there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of
crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and
how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I
can't help but look around and notice the youth of
today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my
childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say
it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've
got it!

1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet.
If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the
damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card
catalog!!

2) There was no email!! We had to actually write
somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk
all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox,
and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were
10 cents!

3) Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents
beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my
friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was
safe!

4) There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you
wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the
record store and shoplift it yourself!

5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the
radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning
and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had
tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and
"eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come
undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we
rolled, Baby! Dig?

6) We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you
were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a
busy signal, that's it!

7) There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you
left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or
receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with
your "friends". OH MY **GOSH**!!! Think of the
horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And
then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids
have no idea how annoying you are.

8) And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the
phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be
your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your
drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't
know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances,
mister!

9) We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video
games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the
Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and
'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You
actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were
no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen..
Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept
getting harder and harder and faster and faster until
you died! Just like LIFE!

10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to
find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to
channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk
over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!!
Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

11) There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only
get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm
saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you
spoiled little rat-bastards!

12) And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat
something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play...
all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and
comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing
chores!

And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw your ass in the
back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got
the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if
she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the
dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot
gun" in the first place!

See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids
today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You
guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in
1970 or any time before!

Regards,
The Over 40 Crowd
(Send this to someone you'd like to make smile)

WHAT CAUSES ARTHRITIS?

A drunk man, who smelled of liquor, sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his coat pocket.. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father, do you know what causes arthritis?'

The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'

The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned.' Then he returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'



The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.'

The Human Camera

3 MILLION Views On YouTube!

Beautiful Minds: Stephen Wiltshire

Stephen Wiltshire is a star savant artist from London. Stephen is autistic, yet he is able to draw a perfect aerial view of a city after only one helicopter ride. I got this email and checked out the video below and was amazed! I watch a ton of videos and few things amaze me, but this did!

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THE HUMAN CAMERA
Once you see this, you will be blown away. If you have never seen
this before, you are in for a treat. Some of us wonder what the best
computer is in the world - got to be a brain
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAfaM_CBvP8
THIS IS INCREDIBLE!!

YouTubeStars!

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